"You must have had a long day at work."
He says to me
and I say 'I am from a meeting.'
He says, " It must be a meeting that brought you lots of money."
I want to ask him how he has come to such a conclusion but
I don't want to talk.
The matatu is playing rubbish music at an extraordinary volume
I am tired and pms just kicked in I'm grumpy and I don't feel like shouting at 9.00pm.
But he is one of those tall, dark, glass wearing, 30 somethings you see in town who actually look good in a suit. From the seaside of course . God help the girl.
His breath is fresh too so I don't want to be the typical natural hair Nairobian girl snob with a chip on her shoulder because her Mikalla order just arrived and she can't wait to get home to try it.
I had seen him check me out when we were getting into the matatu and I expected him to be seated next to me before I could find my seat belt.
And here he is now with a single pick up line.
I can guess what he's gonna say. He will probably ask me if I am going to Umoja 1 or Innercore, he will brag about his long day at work and how he doesn't know what he will eat when he gets home. He will ask me if I live alone and if I have eaten already. And when I tell him I'm getting off at Market he will tell me he is getting off at Peacock but he can walk me home. Then he will take my number . I will give him my Telkom line so he doesn't start sending me 11mb video clips on whatsapp.
After one week he will get frustrated because I have only replied to one of his texts and then he will move on with his life.
"I am from a Christian meeting, I am a Witness."
I say and wait to see his reaction
He will probably say oh, me too I am a Christian. Then he will say he has relatives who are of the Seventh Day church.
' So you witness about Jesus?'
He says, looking straight ahead.
I don't get what he's saying so here we are now with our heads together.
Him shouting 'what I think is ''Jesus'
And me going 'huh?'
We give up after a few try's.
We sit side by side, he wants to ask me things.
I look at him and spell out '
'What is your job?'
He tells me he is a lawyer with a glint in his eye, I can see it. Or maybe it's the Lighting in the bus caught up in his glasses.
I ask 'what kind of a lawyer?
A criminal lawyer or Business lawyer.'
He looks at me Like I am quite an idiot who should be taking evening classes on general knowledge instead of going for those meetings that don't produce a lot of money.
' Yes I am an advocate.'
"So you go to court?" I ask in my most idiotic voice. I don't mean to be idiotic, it's just when someone says they are an advocate I am not sure if we can really have a conversation anymore.
Then he looks straight ahead but I can see his eyes. Peripheral vision.
Man! Then the giggles come. They start deep in my stomach and start to shake me .
I want to ask him a serious question like, 'so do you watch Suits?'
And then tell him how great the ties in episode 5 looked.
If he is an older audience I have my back up conversation starter pack. I can tell him how awesome it was when Ally, in Ally Macbeal wore mixed patterns that looked like Kitenge.
He'll probably ask how come I was allowed to watch Ally Macbeal at that age.
I don't ask him about Suits. We just sit.
He with his peripherals, me wth my giggles.
I want to ask him if he has a card or something in case I commit a crime and need an advocate.
I am among the last to get out. When I ask him to excuse me he walks to the door ahead of me, then he changes his mind and sits on one of the chairs close to the door. I get off and hope that one day he will learn to have more than one pick up line.
In case he meets a girl who is more obliging.