Sunday, February 16, 2020

This Chic : These Feelings I feel

I've always felt a wide range of emotions. I'm just beginning to understand them and give them a name.
Because of all this I some times get into tricky situations when I express a certain feeling to someone  or I interact with a person when I am feeling a certain way and they get the wrong interpretation and now I have to go and explain 
'No no I don't hate you. I just feel 'clouds' right now, it's not you it's me.'

"No no please I don't want to go out with you I just want to talk to you about plants.."
When I was probably just feeling 'ciders' for someone.
Sometimes I feel 'aeroplane mode,' and other times I feel 'Poems' for people.
I feel Poems toward a lot of people.
People who read books or draw or practice some form of art
People who are passionate about production not just consumption.
They are givers, not takers.

When I feel Poems for someone it means they will be forever in my heart. Like wild roses whose roots never die.
I will bring them out of my treasure box to admire them from time to time.


My aeroplane mode feeling is the practical side of me that decides in the morning : Whatever happens outside my soul, will no interfere with what I am inside.
No matter how many times I trip, if something good happened, I hold.onto to that like a blazing light.
It gets me through of my days

I realised a short time ago that I am one of those creations  that needs to find it's own coping mechanisms  because what is on the books was written for the greater masses who are content to go with the flow and I run against the current.
In realized people.donno what to do with me when maybe I'm feeling 'clouds' 
They May call it a mood swing and leave me alone.
Though I have two or three people who can tear right through those clouds and get me out
I think they are brave.
My clouds feeling a is dark and scary.' 
 When I feel clouds I want to be left alone because too much conversation may do two things 
Have me break into tears 
Or give you some tongue medicine which will have a bitter after taste.
This is one of my overwhelming feelings which irritate me because of how volatile it can make me.

So I go with the aeroplane mode feeling when with those who expect.me to be happy and cheerful and bubbly and positive. 
But with the brave ones, I just relax and let the emotions run.

I guess then this self awareness,  once I get to 50% might help me to balance out all these emotions.
I am grateful in spite of it.
It would be boring to just feel good or bad. 

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