Burned bridges

Sometimes in moments of self-evaluation,
I wonder what happened,
Where did I miss a crucial relationship, an important conversation.

In the crucial ages of twenties,
When full of energy I built bridges and then
burned those bridges.

Could it have been otherwise had I been wiser
In all  that characterised those years
Did all the signs appear,how did I miss them?

Should have more loving?
I was caring. A little too much perhaps
Like Liking Ignored.

5 phrases you should drop this month

Mambo ni mengi

 I hate the above phrase. what does it even mean? Things are many? Is that even correct grammer?
Whenever someone says - mambo ni mengi- to me I don't exactly get an urge to punch them, but the feeling is close to that. I get annoyed. If you don't want to tell me you problems, don't, honestly I don't care that much.
 Just tell me you don't want to, I'll be happy not knowing.

But, mambo ni mengi makes me feel like you want me to probe,
you want me to beg you tell me what is wrong
 you want me to stop what I'm doing and engage you in small talk, as I try to find out which things are many.
That is why I walk away, then you say sinanga mzigo. Of course I won't carry unnecessary burdens.
 In fact I will avoid any burdens I don't have to carry, things are many for me too.
 So, things are many are yours. I don't want to hear.

Tunang'ang'ana

 Who is not? Life is hard as it is. We are all trying very hard to find where the 90 bob soko ugali is left. Where they
 don't ask us to pay 5 bob for the plastic bag. Yes, we are all ng'ang'anaing. All of us, not just here in Kenya. In Tanzania,
 in Oman, in DRC, in Zanzibar and everywere else Kiswahili is spoken.
 When I ask how you are and you say you are wrestling. I want to ask you what are you are wrestling exactly. It brings to mind WWF
 which we used to watch on Sundays after church. I'm wondering if what you are wrestling looks like The Rock or Bret Hit man Hart.
You are wrestling and you still can afford to eat pizza once a week. Ama that's because unga ya ugali imepotea sana?
When you say unag'ang'ana. I think that maybe you have a chronic illness we can't talk about right now. Or maybe you have
 an Equity loan you have been paying back and now your salary is only good enough for rent.


Tunahustle tu

Is a phrase that is only separated from the above by a consideration of the demographics.
People born between 1983-1990 use this phrase.  1982 and in to the 70's are the ones who are perpetially wrestling. But these hustlers,they are always hustling or they have a side hustle.
 Their job is a hustle, getting into town is a hustle, making time to  chill out with friend is a hustle, unless it is to discuss what next hustle might bring in some cash.
Kuhustle, is okay, it shows you are occupied, you get respected for being busy.


Umepotea
 When someone calls and says to me 'umepotea' that becomes the end of the conversation. I am lost. Okay. So shall we start a sing song game?
 No, it's you who is lost
 No No, it's you
Aaai,,, me I'm not lost
Even me I'm not lost, you are one who is lost.

Give me a few minutes to sob, if this goes on I'll die. I will.

You know, if you calculate the life expectancy of a Kenyan female and consider that I have lived over three decades,
 you will realise there is a lot more we could talk about instead of this lost and found push and pull I'd rather not participate.
 We could talk about the impressive size of the Monarch butterfly's brain in relation to the
 miles it covers in migration. Then maybe we shall stop worrying about who is lost. A monarch butterfly's life might be in danger at this moment
 and here we are speeding the dial of my life expectancy. Do you realise if I had a child now the likelihood of seeing him graduate from high school is 37%.

Hello my friend, I haven't seen you in a  while. What is different in the world you live in?


Kunyeshewa nayo....

I was opening some social media accounts for a client. He was concerned about the type of traffic we could attract to the site.
"You have to be selective about the people you invite,sio watu wa kunyeshewa nayo.." he said.
He is  a Trump supporter and not a man to tell jokes so work came to a stop, it was just the perfect explanation for how content should be package. If you are gonna say something, please, put a little thought in it will you? I wonder how many people I would cross out of my social media
accounts if  I ever used the stated criteria.

This nayo.. phrase is too saturated in Nairobians' vocabulary. It only sounds like a real statement when Cess  Mutungi says it. Cess can say anything without sounding like an idiot.

Two Nairobians meet by accident at Kencom. They have not met in the last one year. Let us listen in on their catching up speech:

Umepotea?
Mambo ni mengi
Kunyeshewa nayo..
Kung'ang'ana tu
Enyewe tunahustle.

both of you, go home already okay?

Mathree Route Kajiado: The American Dream

I sat next to Miss lady, an education officer at Jogoo House. And she told me everything that is wrong with Kenya and Kenyans, then she told me all that is right with the US and Americans.

She said it was very important that one gets out of this country a bit to see the difference.

Of course, she then told us about her daughter living in Texas. I remembered my friend telling me about a feature article Wahome Mutahi, Wh wrote about -your moment of fame-

This is when you get a chance to travel somewhere, like I traveled to Arusha some years back, but I will always silence people by using the statement- when I was in Arusha, this and that.

‘’The roads are nothing like this flimsy Thika Highway we gape at.” Miss lady gestured.

The little girl, I mean the young lady wearing nice perfume and a little orange lace dress said she was going to study in the US.

Miss lady showed pictures of her daughter in the US

The lace wearing Miss showed pictures of her father’s family in the US.

Every young person should move to the US; study hard like my daughter, get a good job not waitressing, and send money home to build two plots, you will be sorted for life.  "If you are clever, you could even get a temporary husband."

Temporary? I asked.

“Yes, it’s very simple, you just agree with a man who is a citizen, you get married, you divorce, but, and listen carefully. Keep the divorce papers. Si now you are a citizen, what can you not do?”

“But no she would not leave in the U S. I’m too busy here, today I’m in Mombasa, Baringo tomorrow, and over the weekend I’ll go for dowry ceremonies with my friends, a little dancing always does me over.”

‘Do you know where Dreamline buses are booked?’ Miss Lace dress asked.

“You are going to Mombasa?”  Miss Lady shrieked.

“Oh, this is too wonderful, I am going to Mombasa too tomorrow, but I can book today. Then she turns to me, you know, she will pass by office when she goes to the US to study. She must get a signature form my office.”

Then they hold hands and walk happily to catch the Dreamline.

This chic: 5 Types of relationships to keep you from toppling over

Your Boys

:) who's missing?

Your boys were created so they can restore your faith in humanity or the male species in general. If you have started going down the cynical path and you are afraid of turning into a bitter 4o year old spinster with nothing good to say about anything apart from complaining about the cost of bread these days and how much Safaricom is stealing from you everyday.

I come from a family where the ratio of boys to girls is 3:1. Off the top of my head I just counted 13. What that means is I have been in the company of boys most of my life until that time it becomes awkward, coz they are not blood brothers, though it shouldn’t, but boundaries in society make it so, so we end up missing out on important human interaction.

“Boys shouldn’t shell peas.”

Right.

“Girls should not go into cinema halls to watch DJ Afro films.”

WHHHYYYYYYYY?

Anyhow.

My boy cousins are  my buddies and we have the most laughs with them and their friends become my friends too.

I guess that is why I am comfortable  around members of that race especially if they fall under the same age as my little cousins, who are not so little anymore.

Your boys are important. If they understand they are your boys, and nothing more.
Thy are important because, even when anyone else in the world does not believe in you, and even when you have stopped believing in yourself,they are right there, cheering you on.

You start to talk about the Chrysler you are going to buy and they take up the story, and send you pictures of the different colors available and you know what that does to your self esteem? 

the car

My boy friends are not surprised to receive phone calls from me, close to tears when my desktop has shut down. Regardless of whether they know about computers or not,they will come and fix it.

In standard seven, primary school, there was a big scandal that might have had me beaten up by some classmates but my boys protected me. Three of my boys ganged up with some other mean looking boys and sorted the whole affair for me and for the rest of primary school, my bffs were three boys.

In college, my boys prevented me from going into depression when I couldn’t find accommodation in the no-Africans Condos, unless you were a non-black African.

God.

So my boys said, no matter, we’ll just pile up into one room and leave you the other one Cici. And then we all went for a ride.

Greg's missing here

Your boys must be treasured, you don't take them for granted. You give them good advice and  once in a while the outcome is positive then you know this is working.

Nĩũnguaga wana- Wa Kioi Junior

Ngai!

How do you view me, you?….Aii….

I am not getting you clearly

Can you repeat what you said?

Or maybe one of my dials has moved places

The mouth is foolish sometimes it dismisses food

I am very happy to know your weakness.

You came to my house wearing an overcoat on a sunny day

And you had gumboots on

You were confused like a hungry dog.

When I started to laugh you said:

‘These issues are beyond me, come Kioi

Speak to her I cannot manage on my own.’

chorus

Me, the one who speaks on your behalf

Am I also the one destroying your home?

When you have wronged your wife I come and settle matters between you

I take you as my friend but to you I’m just

Material you build your home with,

You view me in a childish way.

I’m not embarrassed to say I’m like one who dies innocently

The stupidity is all my own

Coz Rua had told me:

‘When two people who love each other  have an issue..’

That son of my mother told me: ‘Just keep quiet’ (don’t get involved)

I had set you free from a trap

Just to have you trap me in it.

It is not once or twice you wife

Has caught you with a mistress

Then we’d plan, you told her she was my dame

And because she knows I don’t have these people

She would believe us.

Had I known,

You would be denying it with evidence on your lips.

Chorus

Now you are saying I ring your house

And I don’t even have your wife’s number

Ask Diki

If I had known you bite when we were laughing together

I’d have stuffed an umbrella in your mouth and opened it.

You are lying to your wife I’m the one that introduced you to alcohol

Can’t you tell her the truth, how you have the key?

When you don’t go home and sleep in the city

Where do you sleep and with whom?

Chorus

When you don’t go home and sleep in the city

Where do you sleep and with whom?

I will not judge you, You are a fool but you don’t even know it

I understand where you are coming from.

Gitau from Rongai had told me,

Everybody knows

You are sat on like chairs (henpecked)

(chorus)

This part is spoken  with instruments  that take on a whole stanza.

Gitau exhauster

You had told me

I will not judge.

Karis of Kinyozi poa

When you see such people

Take off mbuga mbuga

That is like saying this, ‘what is in it for me?’

Even Rua had warned me

And I said

“It’s just friendship, friendship.”

Can you hear me, Wa Yuni?

Greet that one, the one that shares a mother with that other one,

Even that one is my friend.

Greet all people of Kabiti and Makuyu.

Translation challenges

Nĩũnguaga wana... when you say that to someone, the direct translation is -you carry me childish- But what it means is you are looking down on me, you are despising me, you are refusing to acknowledge my real value. It is had to make a clear translanslation without losing the real meaning.

I had issues translating muhiki. The real meaning of the word is a bride.

But I translated as mistress, since he has a wife.

Mũhiki can be girlfriend if it I is a woman you are dating but secretly, so people say he has a mũhiki.

When it is a girlfriend people don’t take seriously, or is big in size, she becomes Kĩhiki.

 I need to find out what KĩHIKI is for the KĩHIKI Beauty translation coming up on Sublime Innocence.

I love The instruments and the careless style in this song.

He is out there to sing, not make a song.

When I feel annoyed at someone carrying me childish I sing along to this song. It reminds me of the absurdities in life. And there are many.  Like this man who thinks his friend  the singer is after his wife. True, there are cases where spouses have been snitched but I doubt anybody is willing to risk a friendship for that.  I’m I naïve? Would I go for my married girlfriend’s husband? Why? Aren’t there a million single men from here to the YAP islands?

watch the song here