Middle Age Alert: For the love of healthy eating.

I have a health freak living inside of me. Actually let's just say I have been held captive by a -whole grain, white 

meat, salad, and soup eating goblin who is here to make me pay for the uncontrolled
 sugar intake of my younger days.

 Gosh, I can't even look at the flavoured yogurt counter without the voice shouting 'that's processed sugar!'

 My friend and I are in the supermarket, I came in to buy powder soap and remembered I need yogurt.

And he says 'come, the yogurts are over here', and I say 'actually the one I want is in this fridge.' 

'But Creambell has a new flavor, see it' s peach flavored I think I'll try it. '

He says

And I say 'oh yeah well. Enjoy.' Without glancing at it. 

I cannot even eat kale and spinach like an ordinary Kenyan anymore.. nohhh it has to be kunde and sagaa and 

nderema, greens that don't even have English names.

other people are drinking cocacola mimi niko hapa nangoja juice ya miwa

The other day I was in the house and around 4.00pm I started to feel like a snack.  When you have had ugali 

Omena for lunch your mouth starts to want sweet things. I looked around the house and the only thing I could 

snack on was a bunch of carrots. Carrots yaani.

Or sugar cane which I have to peel myself, 'to strengthen thy teeth.'

Because this crossbreed of a 50-year-old mother in law and a 24-year-old young wife (kuona mbee) won't let me 

eat store-bought biscuits. 

If you want a cookie you gotta make it yourself she says and then stocks my pantry with flour and nuts and 

other stuff so I don't find any reason ya kukimbilia Mandazi mbili pale kwa Maasai in the morning.

When people are buying sweet flavored teas, zile za Kericho gold,, she goes and buys me a packet of neem tree 

tea bags.

Honestly. 

In normal homes, people are sipping passion and strawberry infused teas after dinner mimi niko hapa na 

kikombe ya murubanne.

Sometimes, when I am considering buying whole box of ginger nut biscuits I feel like one of those husbands in 

their late fifties who have to hide from their wives so they can eat some nyama choma., but I stop myse'f 

before giving in to the temptation coz I know it won't end well. I will be forced to knock at every door in my flat 

distributing the biscuits.

Ati ni maturity and even if my Shushu came to visit she would wonder whose great aunt's house we are visiting. 

Coz I mean, Gathoni where did you learn to ferment porridge?

Why can't you just get ujimix ile ya exe?

So this is where we at. I'm sitting at this restaurant and the only thing I can order is tea, because "how do you 

know they don't make their cakes with mafuta ya kupima?' 

And then maybe I'll have the arrowroot soup.