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Thursday, August 13, 2015

Adjusting the sails

Everything that could go wrong went wrong at the beginning of  the year. My hopes, and the solid ground I stand on simply gave way and I was falling, sinking, scared and wanting to scream.

I did.

Change is hard.

But I take it harder than most I guess due to my emotional make up.

And because of the life I have chosen, things are always changing in my life. Not many things are permanent.

But there is always something I can count on. Whenever I close my eyes and imagine the big expanse, the universe and the creator of it all. I don’t feel scared.

If you could take a peep at my heart, it doesn’t carry its original color and shape. It is a patchwork of seams and darning.
It is not difficult pick up the pieces, dust off and get on with it. after disappointment, discouragement and hurt

Not this time. I lost my personal space where in a room of one piece of furniture my thoughts flow, my sadness finds a way to evaporate and leave by the ventilation holes.

It’s not any better, but I have adapted new ways to keep panic at bay.
It used to be music all the time, but now I have a child jingle that says- life without end at last-
Coz that’s what I hope for, a relief from this rubbish of a life.

The best trips I have had were paid for by someone else.
The best clothes I have were chosen and paid for by another person.
The most delicious food I’ve eaten didn’t cost me a shilling.

I’ve enjoyed wonderful nature walks with close pals, spent evenings in homes of people who are only related to me through Adam.

I believe a good job couldn’t make me happier.

Dashboard confessional bend and not break.

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