Middle Age Alert: For the love of healthy eating.

I have a health freak living inside of me. Actually let's just say I have been held captive by a -whole grain, white 

meat, salad, and soup eating goblin who is here to make me pay for the uncontrolled
 sugar intake of my younger days.

 Gosh, I can't even look at the flavoured yogurt counter without the voice shouting 'that's processed sugar!'

 My friend and I are in the supermarket, I came in to buy powder soap and remembered I need yogurt.

And he says 'come, the yogurts are over here', and I say 'actually the one I want is in this fridge.' 

'But Creambell has a new flavor, see it' s peach flavored I think I'll try it. '

He says

And I say 'oh yeah well. Enjoy.' Without glancing at it. 

I cannot even eat kale and spinach like an ordinary Kenyan anymore.. nohhh it has to be kunde and sagaa and 

nderema, greens that don't even have English names.

other people are drinking cocacola mimi niko hapa nangoja juice ya miwa

The other day I was in the house and around 4.00pm I started to feel like a snack.  When you have had ugali 

Omena for lunch your mouth starts to want sweet things. I looked around the house and the only thing I could 

snack on was a bunch of carrots. Carrots yaani.

Or sugar cane which I have to peel myself, 'to strengthen thy teeth.'

Because this crossbreed of a 50-year-old mother in law and a 24-year-old young wife (kuona mbee) won't let me 

eat store-bought biscuits. 

If you want a cookie you gotta make it yourself she says and then stocks my pantry with flour and nuts and 

other stuff so I don't find any reason ya kukimbilia Mandazi mbili pale kwa Maasai in the morning.

When people are buying sweet flavored teas, zile za Kericho gold,, she goes and buys me a packet of neem tree 

tea bags.

Honestly. 

In normal homes, people are sipping passion and strawberry infused teas after dinner mimi niko hapa na 

kikombe ya murubanne.

Sometimes, when I am considering buying whole box of ginger nut biscuits I feel like one of those husbands in 

their late fifties who have to hide from their wives so they can eat some nyama choma., but I stop myse'f 

before giving in to the temptation coz I know it won't end well. I will be forced to knock at every door in my flat 

distributing the biscuits.

Ati ni maturity and even if my Shushu came to visit she would wonder whose great aunt's house we are visiting. 

Coz I mean, Gathoni where did you learn to ferment porridge?

Why can't you just get ujimix ile ya exe?

So this is where we at. I'm sitting at this restaurant and the only thing I can order is tea, because "how do you 

know they don't make their cakes with mafuta ya kupima?' 

And then maybe I'll have the arrowroot soup.

Adulting 101: How to Recover from a Burn Out.

Around this time last year I experienced a major burn out.

A Burn Out is defined as : A Feeling of physical and emotional exhaustion, due to stress from working with people under difficult or demanding conditions. Burn out is followed by signs such as chronic fatigue, quickness to anger and suspicion, and susceptibility to colds, headaches, and fevers.

The only symptom I didn't have was the headaches.

I was doing everything I was meant to be doing but I was always tired.

Daudi, one of my fathers noticed and asked what's up Cici.

I explained how my months were running into each other and how my weeks were running into each other and how I was out of breath most of the time.

He said maybe there is something sucking your energy and we sat and we wrote down everything I did on a seven days week.

'No wonder you are tired,' said he.
'I'm always tired.' Said I
'When did you last watch a movie?'
I couldn't remember the last time I had watched a movie.

My days were packed with running this direction to work and running that direction for more work and coming home to do a bit of washing before settling down infront of my laptop to get some work done before I slept.

As a web content manager, I of course need to spend time online but that time had become all the time.

I would be on Facebook responding to comments and on Twitter looking for tweets to retweet and on YouTube checking how many views the latest video was at.
Then I would be on my phone reassuring clients who had missed an appointment that they could still come in next week.(I was side hustling at a mobile clinic).

So Daudi said we needed to plan out a sample week I could stick to for a while then adjust as time went by.

We aligned all similar activities to fit into one day. And all activities in the same direction fit into similar days. I talked to my boss too about my monthly,weekly and daily job allocation.
I had blank spaces in my week where I could decide to watch a movie, paint my nails or chat.

I started to seriously make a list of things to do monthly, weekly,daily.
Contrarily to the assumption I had before, making lists doesn't make you an -over scheduled -ADH-Maniac.

It has the advantage of making you know what you really need to do, what can be postponed and what is urgent .
Urgent vs Important.
That's a theory I read somewhere but can't remember where.

Having lists and planning out my month doesn't mean I've got my life together better than the next person, but I am less rushed.


I take time to reflect on things.
I don't rush through things just to get them done (I now have three White items that are not off white..  )

I have changed the weekly schedule many times to suit my needs.

But the wonderful outcome is I am not the half crazed burned out  irritable human being I was at some point.
I have also come to appreciate the importance of sticking to a job until it's done.

Daudi said why do you go home, make some tea, chat, start to read, stop, cook, take a shower, study some more....

Or why do you start to work, get on Facebook, watch a video, start to write an email, get up to make tea.
 Finish that email!

Work will stretch to fit the time you allocate it.

There are days I write a 500 word article in under one hour.
There are days it takes me the whole day and part of the night to write a 500 word article.

We all need a little help.

Sometimes we think we know everything we need to know about life and the affairs of existence but it helps to have someone with more years and experience guide us along.

Tips
1. Make a to do List
2. Use mornings or late nights to organise the day
3. Learn to say -no I can't handle this right now-
4. Watch a movie/ read/ listen to music
5. Reduce the time you spend on tasks- learn to do them faster

How to cook food: An incomplete and shallow guide for cooking rice, flour, meat and vegetables among other basic meals

Lesson 4

omena fry

Omena's nutritional facts
Protein
Calcium
Vitamin D
Iron
Zinc

How to cook Omena
Wash them
Boil them for 5 minutes
Lift the out of the hot water
Dip them into cold water
Heat them on a pan to Dry them
Add oil and fry until crispy
Add onions and stir until the onion is brownish
Add Tomatoes
Stir until soft

Add a pinch of salt
Add hoho and stir
Throw in some dhania
It's ready to eat with your ugali
You can squeeze in lemon for taste.

I never considered omena a food item until I went to Malaysia and found out that Omena is a national dish, rather part of the national dish. In one month I had eaten enough omena meals to compensate for a whole adulthood of not eating the fish. They call it ikan bilis and nasi lemak, the national food has omena in the red paste, and on its own. You also eat omena in kampong fried rice and as a snack you can buy in the supermarket to eat in the bus on your way home.

their nasi lemak

our omena with ugali

their omena 

Our omena


I googled the three beautiful pictures, asanteni sana.

This Chic: Do You Have The Nerve?

If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe

Say you will

Say you will

I got picked up today

Not at the bar, but on the road on a bright mid Sunday morning.

He said

I am Kevin and I like how you look

I said thank you

I like your figure He said, to be specific

I said okay

He said you know your father and mother met the same way you and me have met, let's make history where are you going can I come with you?

All in one breath

I considered it for three seconds

I could let myself get picked up

And become Wakefini

And nine months later I will be waBrayo for the rest of my life because he will insist we name our child after his cousin  in America.

I said, I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Do you know any deaf people around here?

He said oh right JehovahWitness

He said there was a deaf around the corner.

Kwa club Ile iko pale Shell

She works there? I asked.

He explained some more.

I asked if he wanted something to read.

 He said if you give me a book I'll read. I gave him an Awake! 

And he left.

Nerve

My  Samsung dictionary has nine entries for -nerve- 

No. 4 Nerve- is the courage that you need to do something difficult or dangerous.

That's close enough.

Is that all that is needed? I mean was Kevin courageous and was it dangerous to run a pick up line on a total stranger on a Sunday morning?

I don't think so. Here you are blaming culture and this being a man's world but It's probably he's just not that into you.

But maybe some suffer from nerves

No.3 Nerves

Feelings of anxiety or tension.

But reflexology cures that and I know just the person to give you the fix. Just inbox.

"Mr.Bennet! Have mercy on my poor nerves!"

No. 6 Nerve-disapproval - when you do something which you have no right to do. 

As a member of the female species even in a world that grows chicken in one month, you are not supposed to have the nerve to use a pick up line.

So keep your nerve girl

No.7 Nerve- The ability to remain calm and determined in a difficult situation.

Until the right Kefini picks you up and literally carrys you home.

More

This Chic: The person you create

The person we create.

I had a bad beginning this morning.
It was one of those mornings where you want to turn around and go back home.
Nonetheless, I love my job because as a INFP personality, doing something purposeful is enough motivation to get up when the alarms go off at five like a stringed instrument orchestra.

But most times I would rather take a Math test than go to work.
If I had a tunnel that could take me directly from my house to my desk without having to smile and wave and talk about Equinox I wouldn't mind it one bit.

Trying to muster up a happy, open  and cheerful countenance is harder than the work I do actually.

I managed to get through the first hour but at Midday I wondered why don't I just ask to leave?

At lunch time I decided to watch some BBC Sitcoms. I munch up BBC sitcoms like oat biscuits, Black Books is a fine one and I relate to every character. Though when I need to laugh thoroughly I  watch Jeeves and Wooster.

It gave me energy to face the three deadlines staring back at me from the screen, and of course it is at such times when the computer decides to reduce its pace. So of course I didn't beat the deadlines.

On my way home I made up my mind that I would go straight to bed. I would feed the cat, brush my teeth and sleep.
I would not even check how many like my Instagram post got.

Whatever
I deserve to be unhappy


Quite hysterically I run things in my head that have gone wrong or not worked out and how unfair life is and what's the use of trying too hard when nothing works anyway?

All day long I had been trying to make a huge decision and didn't know it was affecting my outlook.

There are never clear cut decisions and you only know if it was good or bad after you have made it.

When I got home I heated water, took a bath and as I was drying off my brain was making a calculation of the vegetables in the kitchen.
"I need and onion, ginger and carrots,,,  "
Automatically I had started to plan what to cook.
OK, so I'm having supper after all.

I would not have my supper cold. I was going to make a proper meal and serve it on a proper plate and eat it with a fork.

And I really smiled at myself because that is the person I have created.
No matter how hard I push against her she will bring me back to common sense and make me do the things That need to be done.
After a long day, common sense dictates you take a bath, eat right and rest.

I cooked and after I had eaten I started to read about manna in the Bible, because I had been thinking about manna all day long and how collecting manna in a bright orange karai might have worked on some Israelite men's masculinity when they had been used to working hard physically to provide.

Husband: Honey, usipike, nakuja na supper.
Wife: Na hizo umeokota wapi?

I spoke to my friend about it. She laughed and asked so what's the manna you've been picking up?

Anyway the conversation went south after that but I was ready to sketch.

Because sketching has become part of my daily life

When I started it was simply to create good regular habits.
But now it serves two purposes . It forces me to write all the stories running through my head.
It also makes start something and finish it to the end.

Taking a bath
Eating good food
Daily Bible reading
Communicating with friends
Cleaning the floor, clearing dishes

All these might start as habits but then they become part of us.
(I don't always clear dishes but it's one of those long term goals)

The person we create will ensure that we stick to them. They become automatic and even on a bad day, you don't sleep in your work clothes just because.

The person we create pushes us to do better. To try harder even when we really feel like crap.

We are born creators, we can create an image of ourselves for the world to admire and applaud.

We can also create a significant human being inside who may never be applauded or even seen, but the job he does for us,,,, wacha tu.

Dairy Farm Diaries: Finding peace behind the house

Two countries can be peaceful towards each other but not in unity coz they re not working towards the same goal"


In my family, we always had this saying:
'Caria thayū.' (Search for peace)
When one of us kids would be annoyed at something and probably hiding behind the house sulking,
The grown ups would say
Tigana nake aambe acokwo nī thayū (let him/her alone until he/she regains their peace)

I guess I came to really appreciate having peace, feeling at peace and basically having peaceful conditions.

When we prayed we prayed for peace in the country.

And when all of us were in a bad mood that prolonged for long,  as it might happen in any normal family or more in a not so normal family.

Someone would say,
Hgh, ta mūndū nīagerie gūcaria thayū wa ngoro
( better each one to try and find peace in their hearts )
And that would break the ice somehow.

I guess it brought us back to our senses to realize we were not doing  ourselves a favor by being grumpy.

Peace of mind, peace in my heart
And best of all, the peace of God which I have had plenty of during tough times.

I've had wonderful days. Two wonderful weeks of real connection with friends, two weeks of actively purposefully living.
I even went dancing.

 We hardly talk about the happy moments of our lives.
The moments when each step feels like you're walking on some Air Jordan's  with Gregory Isaacs in your ear.

Days when you get away with doing what your head wants to do because all the Planning and early mornings have bought you more time to draw.

Times when you know things are tough but you are able to look at those tough situations in the face- I guess like a horse runs into battle.
Because either way, life goes on.

Regardless.

And the little bits of sanity that can be grasped must be treasured and welcomed as big moments would be.

And in the midst of all these, the bad the good the frightening moments and the occasional periods of rest where life might even seem boring-

A constant thread has held me together -

It has a name.
The peace of God.
Peace that gives you freedom
Peace and that gives you courage to be brave.

How to cook food: An incomplete and shallow guide for cooking rice, flour, meat and vegetables among other basic meals

Lesson 1: Fried Pork with Sweet Potatoes

Pork Contains:
Proteins
Fat

Sweet Potatoes Contain:
Carbohydrates
Vitamin A&C
Fiber

How to buy pork

Unless you  are going  to barbecue or roast the pork, ask for skinless.
It's better for frying. They will ask you to add some cash but only like 50bob.

How to get pork ready for cooking

Wash the meat
Measure the pork in a cup
1cup of pork=3 cups of water
Add half  a teaspoon of salt
Grate two table spoonful of ginger and add into the pot.

Boil until the meat is tender, the water should be gone then.
This could take 25 minutes in low fire.

Add 1 table spoon of oil
Dice one big onion and throw it in while you stir.
Cut up two medium sized tomatoes and throw them in
(The ten bob ones)
Keep stirring with a wooden spoon.
If it seems to be sticking on to the bottom sprinkle some water with your fingers.
Cook for 10 minutes.

Sweet potatoes
Wash them, boil them
Or
Peel them, dice them, add a little salt and boil until tender.

Serving
Did you remember to buy Dhania? Cool
Cut up the dhania
Serve the pork and sweet potatoes onto your favorite plate, sprinkle it with dhania.
Enjoy.

Total cooking time 1 hour.

The needy unsatisfied nut that I am: The Hair Salon

I have two least favorite places;
Hospitals and hair salons
I also hate having my picture taken in a studio.

Whenever I have to go to the hospital I get a bout of anxiety and my mood just drops to subzero and nothing, not even a cheerful lab technician can make me feel otherwise.
I hate being sick to the point of having to seek medical attention in a hospital.
In the last weeks I've had the unpleasant pleasure of being in all he three places.

The hair salon experience went thus:

scene 1
(Enter woman of middle age, she is talking to someone on the phone. She has her index finger raised to emphasize a point)

Cecilia: I will come at 3 pm and all I need is a blow dry, but I need lots of conditioner.

Scene 2
(Scene changes to the salon reception. It is both a beauty shop and salon. A girl comes to ask if the middle aged woman wants to buy something)

Cecilia: No I'm here for a blowdry I called earlier
Girl: Ok, let me find out
(She walks into the next room and comes back with two middle aged women)
Woman 1: Hannah left earlier but you can have your blowdry

(Cecilia panics. Should she leave right away, should she fake a phonecall and never come back?)

Cecilia: I want you to wash my hair with cold water. I have put egg and avocado in it

Woman 1 throws a look at woman 2 and states:
Why don't you wash this hair for me?

I must mention that I have clearly come in at a bad time in the day. I can tell they are tired and ready to go home and don't want to be bothered about pre-poos and wet hair patting.

So I panic again
The wash is fine and once it's over I expect conditioning then combing.

Cecilia: Did you put any conditioner?
Woman 2: She will put in live in.
She says sit on that chair and wraps a twice used towel on my head.

Woman 1 comes and connects the blowdryer.

Cecilia: Will you not put any conditioner?
Woman 1: (To woman 2) I don't put conditioner because it slides

She's starts to tag and pull at my hair. She is pulling it so hard I can feel the roots coming out.

Cecilia: (To self) Think happy thoughts . Si ni wewe umejileta? Ebu sit and go through with it.

Then the blowdryer comb jumps out and falls to the floor.
She takes some live in conditioner, 10ml, spreads it on her palms then touches bits of my hair with it.
Cecilia: (I roll my eyes)

The blowdryer comb drops again. Woman 2 comes over to assist.

Scene3
(The madam of the salon has been on an international whatsapp video call since I came in. She is on loudspeaker for our benefit. Now she tells the other person to hold on because something has come up)

Madam: Aaah ... Angines, you can't do this hair like that?
(Takes the blowdryer and starts to tag my hair backwards) If you blow it upwards it will puff and you'll never get it straight.
Customer, did you comb your hair before you came?
Cecilia: I wanted to put...
Madam: Uuuui, Kwani you had just undone twists?! Angines, see, see this twist.
Woman 1: Did you comb your hair?
Cecilia: I told you to let me brush it before you started with cond...

Madam: ah ah ah, conditioner is not the reason. Me, I know such kind of hair. You don't need  conditioner.

Cecilia : (all of you are crazy and I'm going to walk over into that sink and wash off this straight hair this minute. Cecilia calm down, think of Saturday)

So now three women are standing around me.

They have no idea how claustrophobic I am feeling right now.
Can they all go away!

Madam: Customer, you don't have to use avocado and eggs, they're nice treatments with even onions.
Cecilia:(Why would I want onions in my hair)

So anyway, I leave the salon looking excecutive enough but having lost quite some length of my hair.
I'm shocked to see full hair cuts inside the following day.
Who puts heat onto natural hair without conditioner?
In 2019?

I don't really mind hair a lot because for me it grows even without products. But I can't believe that after two years and eight months of staying away from salons I still go on and get the same rough, untrained, experimental, unpolished experienced.

Like, why would someone assume that just because I didn't waltz in in an Afro my hair is automatically knotted?!
There is a difference
There is knotting (kushikana)
Then there are curls (kwībīra)

And in this age, the customer knows what they need done on their hair.
A week later I can still feel the tug and pulling of my head.

Scene 4
(Family gathering.)
Mother: You combed your hair. (Calls her sisters) Come and see she brushed her hair. Niaracanūrire njuiri.
Cecilia: I brush my hair
Aunt 1: Wow you look nice
Aunt 2: You were blessed with hair.
Cecilia :

(It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me ?
)



So anyway,my salon experience was no better than when I went in 2016.

But then I began to think that maybe I am  unsatisfied in many ways. Too high expectations from the wrong service givers.
So I went and had this picture taken. I hated every minute of it.
 I complained the entire time the guy tried to edit it, and when he was done I asked him why he was taking too long.

Next I will write about my hospital experience: Social bias, absentmindedness and the assumption that you find in public hospitals.

This Chic: This is not a prophecy but it seems highly likely to go in that direction

And then I will turn 37, single and will start to shop at Al Noor Exhibition.
Expensive clothes from Turkey
But not very good looking.
They won't make me stand out in any way.
Because they are just clothes
Meant for the hard working people who live on Thika road
I'll probably live on Thika road too
And drive a BMW
I will be a front office assistant
Dealing in bit coin on the side.

I will also have a TV
To watch the financial news.

On  Saturday afternoons me and two other spinsters will meet in one of the meat roasting places and eat Choma  na tufungiwe kila mtu kilo ya kubeba.
Or  my nephews and nieces will be dropped off at 3 to greet their aunt, and I will take them to TRM for skating and ice cream.

Then I will bump into that bro I had a crush on seven years ago. He will say hi and say, 'this is Cecilia we used to work together.' To his wife who is a bit large width wide. She has a wig too, it's too neat to be a weave.
He should say, we used to work in the same building but oh well if we worked together, we worked together.

The husband will ask ' so how have you been,' with a smile making the large wife tense up.
But then the nephews will reappear, I will notice the wife has relaxed so I will excuse myself and set off to the popcorn stand with a small boy in each hand.

I will be very pleased with myself for wearing these new Adidas
Because there is nothing worse than meeting an old crush on a bad shoe day.

This Chic: Do I have any Standards Left?

What kind of atmosphere am I promoting in my home?
What kind of conversations am I having?
What quality of work am I producing?
What kind of food am I cooking?
What kind of prayers am saying?
What kind of love am I offering?
What kind of relationships am I keeping?
What kind of clothes I'm wearing in the house when I'm alone?
If someone decided to drop by unannounced would they confuse me for
the local crazie?

How clean is my house?
How kind am I?

Do I gossip?
Do I put off people before I hear  their story?
Do I prefer some people?
Do I have standards?

I am on a rampage
And it all started with that Sufuria scrubber pictured above.




When I was old enough to be sent to Nyeri Town by myself to do
household shopping, my Shushu would give me instructions.

When you get into the supermarket, get the Sufuria scrubber in a box,
not the one in a paper that makes noise.
"Ūrore wega karīa ke na gakotoni"
It was more expensive but it was the best, it stayed longer, it didn't
crumble into little wires and for that she didn't want any other.

And that was the way she ran every bit of her household.
We would go to the hardware to buy a new panga and spend one hour,
scrutinizing what was available. She didn't read, but I remember we
always got the Great Britain make.
How she would describe it:


"It's darker. With four lines near the handle."

On Sunday evening she would have her personal time alone. She would
make Mandazi in our biggest Sufuria. So my uncle and I would have a
snack to have with tea through the week. Other times it was green
boiled maize.

So many times when we had girl relatives visit, when their visit was
complete Shushu would say : I am going to wash those dishes myself and
I don't want anyone to do them for me.

Reason, the visiting relation  perhaps did not wash under the handles of
the cups, or under the fold of the plates.

Yeah. It was a bit extreme sometimes, and at my age I didn't see the
need for all those procedures.

And then I moved into the city and money was hard to come by so I cut corners.

Why do I have to buy prepackaged rice when the other one is just rice as well?
Why should I wear a belt with this dress when I don't feel like?

So somehow I started to let things fall below standards even in
important areas of my life.
And then one day I woke up  wondering ...do I even have any standards.

Then I watched this Ted talk and realized auuui.

I've been fine for a lorng time.
'The thing with being fine is that it is genius. You tell it to
yourself and you start to believe it because, then you don't have to
do anything about it.'


I can't afford a manicure but I'm fine?
I haven't visited my Shushu in six months but it's okay, she'll understand the hustle is real?

Is that the family I wanna have when I finally have my own? One that
doesn't check on each other often?

What pace I'm I setting for my future household?

Embracing vulnerability, embracing the low self esteem kid

This low self esteem kid likes to show up at my door.
I used to let her in and let her lay on the couch mourning about this and that
But now whenever she checks in
I bolt and disappear down the fire escape.

Because I am:
A positive
Confident
Self Assured
Good natured
Happy person.

That is the aura I excude
And I don't need this kid hanging around.

But she follows me everywhere
She was there with me when he said : but we are not really dating

She was there when the boardroom asked why I didn't get a job when they knew very well my color didn't allow me to get a job in their country.

She was with me when my cat disappeared and I couldn't sleep blaming myself for giving him away.

She's come along when I have settled for low income just because I got to pay my rent when I'm worth more...

So I devised a plan. I left her name at the registry, and whenever she checks in. Her name lights up on my phone and it's just enough time for me to take off.

And I ran from her again yesterday but when I felt her feet dragging on the floor. I couldn't bear it, I came back up and opened the door.

She had been crying
She was eating dextrosal.

I lifted her up onto a high chair and handed her a cup of tea.

Then sat beside her and talked to her.

I'm sorry you never got to speak you mind often enough to say what you meant.

I'm sorry you had to make up an imaginary name for a father you didn't know to satisfy your classmates.

I'm sorry about that times when the adults wanted you to take sides. You them both, it was unfair on you.



I'm sorry for the fear you felt when you were told you would be packed into a package addressed to the owner.

I'm sorry you felt you had to work hard, trying too hard to earn love..

Would you like another cookie?
I'm sorry about the times you got blamed for lost things.
I'm sorry you were never good enough
Coz you were
You were a good enough small human being.

'I want to run away'

You don't need to. Just wait. One day you are gonna be big enough
You will have a house full of books and all the cats you want.
Now you've got to stop showing up like this. Unless it's to bring me flowers.

Now run along and find some flowers to pick, chase some butterflies and kick pebbles. You are just a child.

And she left, quickly but with a smile on her tiny dark face and two chocolate chip cookies in her pocket.

I vow to always lift people up
I vow to always point out the good in people
I vow to not make anyone feel less than they are.

#positivity#vulnerability#notesfromyourtherapist #emotionalmaturity #healing #healingjourney #mentalhealthawareness #childrensbookillustration #childrenarethefuture #artoftheday #childsketch #sketch #oneminutesketch 

Embracing Vulnerability: Crooked Teeth

I grew up being made fun of my brown teeth. I had white teeth once, then they fell out and what grew out next were big rugged uneven teeth that started to turn color the minute they got out of the gum.

People told me a there is nothing beautiful about a girl with brown teeth.
One teacher, when she found me kneeling next to the headteacher's office(coz I had been caught singing in class during prep.
I was probably just showing off or bored or having adolescent issues) The teacher asked why I kneeling.
I didn't feel like telling her.
She wasn't in my class
So I just smiled
And she said
How dare you smile at me with such rotten teeth?

I stopped smiling, she went her way, I shrugged but then I started smiling again coz she didn't get her answer to her nosiness anyway.

 My first day of high school

I had just met some new girls and we were happily talking then a girl who had been in my primary school but now a class ahead paused in front of us and instead of saying hi.

She exclaimed

Gosh Shishilia those are such ugly teeth!
I didn't smile much after that.

But I did some figuring
My uncle, the first man I ever loved had brown teeth. But he was funny, he worked hard and he took good care of me and granny. So you could have brown teeth and still be a human being.

I also realized my teeth didn't pain . And when I had my first dental appointment he said my teeth were quite clean.

I had been brushing my teeth furiously all my life.

My mother supplied me with a toothbrush three times a year as well as a bag of sweets to last me until her next visit.

I would brush, carefully every morning and every night
Then I would tuck in two large pieces of candy into my mouth and get into bed. Mwana no mwana.

Anyhow. I also learnt that I loved other part of me. I loved my fingers, and my hair when I washed it and it came out in dark brown curls.

I also loved my nose because it was large and not tiny or flat.

And I was happy with that
As long as everything worked why stress so much about it and in any case I wasn't trying to win a beauty contest.

Then one day a girl in my class said
Wow Cecilia you have such a beautiful smile.
I said
Really? Thanks.
And I went to have a look in the mirror and sort of believed her. So I started to smile more.

She set me free.

Years later I read a book that had a teenager in it who was worried about something in her body and someone told her- you cannot have it all dear, but one thing is sure, if one thing is not right then everything else is perfect.

And I see that in many instances.
Someone might have terrible skin but they've got hips from here to Moyale.

Or another will have bad eyesight but gal those nails!

(I write something about guys here but I'm not sure I wanna say it)

Because we are not just one thing.

We are a whole lot of other things.

Pink hippos on the shores of Lake Victoria

I swear I saw two large Pink hippos on the shores of Lake Victoria.
They crossed the road and got into the city-
It was Saturday night after all.

Perhaps they were going out to tea.
Or to the disco I cannot tell,
But I could tell they were in a hurry.
And as we braked and sighed and were totally flummoxed
They went their way.

But now I am not  so sure if they were hippos Or pink elephants coz
They were were
Quite big.

Could they have been flamingoes
Walking in hippo formation?

If flamingoes do go out at night.

Perhaps they do
When the circus is in town
And when the Flamenco dancers put on a show.

Socializing the introvert: Tiny Shorts

My poem is entitled
*I just wanna wear tiny shorts*
I am a confident girl
But I am a scary chicken
I am quiet
But can talk non stop
I love the great outdoors
But I am a hermit
I love to blend in
But I have distinct hair
I am nice
But curt and sarcastic
I love music
But I hate your music
I am easy going
But very stubborn 
I am law abiding
But a rebel, for any cause
I can be productive
But Can be very lazy
I can be focused
But utterly and mostly distracted
I am basically a bag of contradictions
But all I want to do is wear my tiny red shorts
Because it's very hot.
But I have legs up to my neck