Sorry, but if you've never seen me on a bad hair day
We aren't friends
If you have only seen me with my red lipstick
And woolen stretch blazers
Never in my old pink T-shirts I sleep in,
You aren't family either.
If You have seen me scared
And confused
And totally embarrassed, you are my friend.
If you have seen me a little tipsy
If I've have told you to go to hell
And still you stayed
You are family.
If you only know my smile
And my jokes
And good wishes
You are just a passerby
Keep walking, stranger.
If you have seen my tears
And heard my sobs
And read my despair.
You are my soulmate
One positive thing that has come out clear from the death of my mother is; I am sure I've made good choices in friends.
Last week my friend called me and said she has been meaning to call but was waiting for the right time.
She is not the sensitive types, I was expecting her to tell me to suck it in, life must go on and we all end up in a hole anyway.
But she didn't say any of those things. She told me something that opened a whole new perspective to the relationship I had with my mother.
She told me ' my parents have been dead for over ten years but whenever there is something that I need to do which only my parents could have done for me, I cry like a baby.'
She told me it's still too soon to think that I can stop crying and feeling sad.
Then she said, ' Don't expect comfort from humans, they are imperfect, anything they say is not enough so let Jehovah comfort you he knows the best way.'
I was crying by the end of the call but didn't want her to know so I was speaking with that hollow voice that's between a stifled yawn and cheerfulness.
And of course my mind went to an over drive.
I thought about the many times I disagreed with my mother. The many times we told each other off. The many times she told me off for not eating enough and having a bony chest and I would tell her to leave me alone that's how I am shaped!
And how finally this year she said ' I will get you a hair dye that doesn't break the hair, I've noticed those kinds of hairs like yours can be dyed.'
I told her to get me maroon. She had accepted me as a curly haired girl.
Ad it hit me that, the thing that will bite me the most is I have no one else related to me ingīrutīra ūrimū.
That was something exclusive to the one that gave birth to me.
I didn't walk around egg shells around my mother.
I didn't have to filter what was in my head.
I told her as it was.
Growing up I had to give the extended family a certain amount of respect not to embarrass my mother, I still try to conduct myself politely around them.
But my mother, I had exclusive rights to her and after not picking up her phone calls for a month I could call her and ask her 'can I come over tonight?'
And that is exactly the kind of relationship I have with my closest pals.
We don't have to hold hands and take selfies but we are in sync.
Sometimes we don't talk for a whole week. Sometimes we just exchange emojis.
Sometimes they can't stand me, many times I order them around. They say I'm a bully but honestly you don't just come to my house and sit I cook for you. No. Make your useful.
People say they know their true friends when tragedy strikes.
Me, I have been convinced that my friends are true.
Everyone that matters has been present .
I will miss my mother every time I listen to KĪhenjo or Kata or JKL.
But I am comforted to understand now that I had a real relationship with that woman.
We aren't friends
If you have only seen me with my red lipstick
And woolen stretch blazers
Never in my old pink T-shirts I sleep in,
You aren't family either.
If You have seen me scared
And confused
And totally embarrassed, you are my friend.
If you have seen me a little tipsy
If I've have told you to go to hell
And still you stayed
You are family.
If you only know my smile
And my jokes
And good wishes
You are just a passerby
Keep walking, stranger.
If you have seen my tears
And heard my sobs
And read my despair.
You are my soulmate
One positive thing that has come out clear from the death of my mother is; I am sure I've made good choices in friends.
Last week my friend called me and said she has been meaning to call but was waiting for the right time.
She is not the sensitive types, I was expecting her to tell me to suck it in, life must go on and we all end up in a hole anyway.
But she didn't say any of those things. She told me something that opened a whole new perspective to the relationship I had with my mother.
She told me ' my parents have been dead for over ten years but whenever there is something that I need to do which only my parents could have done for me, I cry like a baby.'
She told me it's still too soon to think that I can stop crying and feeling sad.
Then she said, ' Don't expect comfort from humans, they are imperfect, anything they say is not enough so let Jehovah comfort you he knows the best way.'
I was crying by the end of the call but didn't want her to know so I was speaking with that hollow voice that's between a stifled yawn and cheerfulness.
And of course my mind went to an over drive.
I thought about the many times I disagreed with my mother. The many times we told each other off. The many times she told me off for not eating enough and having a bony chest and I would tell her to leave me alone that's how I am shaped!
And how finally this year she said ' I will get you a hair dye that doesn't break the hair, I've noticed those kinds of hairs like yours can be dyed.'
I told her to get me maroon. She had accepted me as a curly haired girl.
Ad it hit me that, the thing that will bite me the most is I have no one else related to me ingīrutīra ūrimū.
That was something exclusive to the one that gave birth to me.
I didn't walk around egg shells around my mother.
I didn't have to filter what was in my head.
I told her as it was.
Growing up I had to give the extended family a certain amount of respect not to embarrass my mother, I still try to conduct myself politely around them.
But my mother, I had exclusive rights to her and after not picking up her phone calls for a month I could call her and ask her 'can I come over tonight?'
And that is exactly the kind of relationship I have with my closest pals.
We don't have to hold hands and take selfies but we are in sync.
Sometimes we don't talk for a whole week. Sometimes we just exchange emojis.
Sometimes they can't stand me, many times I order them around. They say I'm a bully but honestly you don't just come to my house and sit I cook for you. No. Make your useful.
People say they know their true friends when tragedy strikes.
Me, I have been convinced that my friends are true.
Everyone that matters has been present .
I will miss my mother every time I listen to KĪhenjo or Kata or JKL.
But I am comforted to understand now that I had a real relationship with that woman.
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