My classmate in high-school had a big sister
so she was already well socialized by form two. I wasn’t but before I decided
to move seats and be a back-bencher (one term before I tried to quit the whole
education business) she gave me two pieces of advice. She said:
“If ever a boy asks you out on a date, you
must not order chicken no matter how tempting it might be. How will you work
that chicken with a knife and fork you have never used before. My sister told
me you only ask for a samosa. You can eat Samosa without getting it all over
your face, but remember t take small bites.”
The
second piece of advice was;
“My sister told me, if a boy hugs you, you
should bend forward so that his hands go on top of your shoulders and nowhere
close to your boobs. Boys just wanna feel your boobs.”
I don’t come from a hugging family but when
I got into high school I learned that people hugged their parents instead of
the handshake I had grown up with.
When I wet home and tried to hug my shush
she said;
“Aii.Ni kii?”
And
when I tried to hug my aunt who is very short she asked me ‘kai uratuikire wa idi?(Independent church of Kenya)
But we made a shoulder dance out of it and
she said ‘tukundereza’.
My mother gave me a look that said- ata
usijaribu.
Back
in school, we were given the lesbian lecture. Any closeness between two girls
was thus uprooted from us who were ironically only just interested in Nyeri
high school teenagers. So I really never got to practice hugging.
When I became a young woman other young women started to peck my
cheeks, I didn’t like it. I would submit to it thinking like the kid in….diary
of a wimpy kid when his aunt kisses his cheek and all he can think of are the
germs now spreading all over his face . Especially if someone with thick make
up on.
I
developed a firm handshake
But
then again in college I met the sweet sweet Motswana people that take body contact
a little too far but oh well it felt really good to be held for a few seconds
by someone you like, both men and women.
“Come here you Kenyan girl, one classmate
used to tell me when I tried to wriggle out of a hug by stretching out my hand
and pretty soon I would be enveloped in a crushing hug.”
Years after this, I found out that I had
actually changed the way I relate to people. I was initiating highs and even expecting hugs
from people I see every week. My workmate surprised me one day by asking can I
have a hug please? I didn't know you could let yourself be as vulnerable
as that, knowing and letting a third person know that you need a hug (cringe)
In
2017, someone gave me a groping hug that left me feeling quite defiled like,
well, it was like what next after all my senses are now awake?
I told my friend I had just been groped and
the disgust in my face told her everything else I didn’t need to say. This catapulted
me right back to the beginning, handshakes and waving people from afar and
Faith’s word coming back in my subconscious… ‘boys just wanna feel your boobs’
So I googled types of hugs.
The
London bridge
This is the awkward one when you guys didn’t
know you are expected to hug so you just kinda lock arms
The
dead lock
The
rag doll
This is kinda cute, it’s a big brother
giving a hug to his sister.
The pat
I dread the pat. It’s the kind of hug
someone gives you when you are at a funeral, which is alright but when someone
gives me this in any other setting I start to wonder. Kwani how bad do I look
today?
The
pick pocket
This is for people who are very tight, like
your boy bff that you grew up together but don’t have feelings for each other?
The
sneaky hug
This is on a different level of cuteness. But
only ifnyou are very close to the other person.
And
the floating hug
This is a Girlfriend boyfriend hug. The one on the left.
And
I will add my own
The chest attack
Ever met someone you know but haven’t seen
in a while and, speaking from a woman’s point of view, the next thing is you
feel your chest has just crushed onto a man’s chest and you would like to
scream and tell them off but this is supposed to be a happy reunion so you just thank the heavens that you are
wearing a padded bra? Yeah.
The opportunist
I think people who give this type of hug
didn’t grow up hugging like myself. So now that the opportunity has arisen they
take it in full force? Laying on your chest a few seconds too long..?
The facial approval
I’m not sure if this counts as a hug but
many times people will grab me and put their cheeks too close to mine, then end
up by putting my face in their palms and shaking me approvingly. I’m not six!
But it’s ok
