Wednesday, October 30, 2019

The Fatherless Race: My mummy was a lioness, "I have a lioness inside me that I keep on a tight leash."

"Are you taking my picture?" Asked Mummy.
"No, it's the books behind you," I said.

Then she took out her phone and took a picture of me, then I took one with her phone,
Then we just sat.
She had had a horrid morning at her bank.
After 32 years slaving away at physically draining job her savings earnings and benefits had found their way into someone's online account and vanished.
She said she had reported it.
I didn't pry
But she got sorrowful day by day
Until they told me pneumonia had taken her life.
My mother had lost her life.

When my mother went on retirement, she had two major plans. She was going to relocate to the USA and she had everything laid out. I thought it was hilarious but many conversations after I realised nothing would stop her.

I guess the moment came after she had renewed her driving license. I thought man, this woman is set.
And knowing her spirit, the same stubborn spirit I have inherited, I took her shopping for thermal heat preserving vests in preparation for winter.

Then she said to me, do you think this phone will help you in your work?  I said yeah but don't feel you have to. She loved her phone so giving it up would mean a better offer was out there, in Trump's kingdom.

The last time I met my mother, she was late than our agreed time.
So I asked her to meet me in Kikuyu town. I wanted her opinion deciding a location for Cisster Salon. She said she was tired so We went to crave kitchen.

My mother loves fine things. She was blown away, she said the chefs were dressed right, the decor must have been done by an international designer and insisted the owner could not be local. I pointed Tom out.

She said: haiya that one with dreads?
She looked around and said she wanted to have a look at the toilet. She came back grinning saying how awesome the place was but would I stop telling her to have the soup Coz she only wanted another mug of tea if I would buy it?
I should have asked if she wanted another samosa.
We talked.
She had had a horrific experience at equity bank that morning.
I didn't probe
But now that she is dead and I have had a look at her documents.. It's no wonder she only wanted tea that day. Me, I would have collapsed right away.

I have been feeling like I'm gonna get blown away anytime now.
It's a feeling I have never had before.
Losing the only parent I have pains a lot.

Losing my mother now, this year on top of everything else just proves how ruthless Satan is.
Satan has no mercy.
But my friend wrote a blog post for me:

My mother's back up plan was to try farming. She was gonna buy a big tank and store water. Then she would look after grandmother.
 I know she would have raised a couple of dogs as well.

Today I'm thankful for the time I spent with mummy in the short time she was on retirement. She made effort to come see me and reassure me. She embraced vulnerability when she accepted my offer to take her to the dentist in August. She was scared of dentists.
I laughed when she said after ' ah ona rītiuma na ruo.' Then she gave me a thousand Bob to pick up my aunt arriving from the village.
I thought it was a bribe for my silence, not to say she was scared of a tooth extraction.

But this is for a short while. I know my mother will get up in future.
Meanwhile, I will try and get some rest.
I will follow up what my mother tried to resolve before death caught up with her. When my anger subsides.
I am angry at a debased society that preys on its defenseless members.
I'm angry at a society that discards it's members when their value has diminished.
I am angry at this old world, and I hate it. May your kingdom come please.
I am assured of one thing though:
Psalms 37:10

Just a little while longer, and the wicked will be no more;You will look at where they were,And they will not be there.

Jehovah will soon undo every injustice that we have suffered in satan's wicked world.
Isaiah 65:17
The former things will not be called to mind.

Monday, October 7, 2019

Monday Profiles: Big Cisster's Got me

This woman is called Estah
Once upon a time I found myself on the precarious edge of a deportation, or imprisonment if the judge decided my hair was too knotty.
I had a month to appeal for my student Visa, I had no cash and my emotions run high between rash regrets, why didn't I just get married when the offer was on and despondent self pity oh no this is not happening again! I have to start over from nothing and why did I even get started in the first place!

We sat in a hotel room in Singapore. I sat on the floor. She lay on the bed, Tlotlego lay flat on the floor completely asleep. Tlotlego has a gift of sleep. She can fall asleep on the kitchen counter and she would be fine.

' The last time they pulled me out of an exam room I broke down and could not say anything.' Said I.

" I want you to go and talk to them like an adult, and state your case, refer to your grades." Said she.

I didn't have much practice
I had never been sent away from school for lack of fees, ever.

But I went and stated my case and got into the line up for scholarships.

A year later, Estah rang me. I was in some undisclosed location. My mental and emotional health quite a mess.
Hurt and completely destroyed and probably even running for my life.

She said I'm sending you cash to come back to the city. She did.

I wasn't ready
I needed to be alone in the open fields to clear my mind.

I got back to the city eventually wit ya clear mind and lighter emotions and Estah called to say she had a job for me.
Who does that?
Who is alive to support your mad schemes for decades?

But That's what she has always been, someone who has always seen my potential.

And put faith in me.

So last week she sent her daughter to my salon. My first hair treatment client.

I believe if I started selling charcoal Estah would order a gunia of charcoal and then look for a maize roasting trader and give it to him.

In 1997, my mother brought me Nivea lotion. I couldn't tell the difference between it and Vaseline Solea or whatever else was there to apply on my legs. But Estah saw it and told me: That's a very good lotion you have. We were in primary school.

In 2009, Estah took me to an expensive restaurant and said: order the Cabarnet Sauvignon, it's not too sweet  and she was right. It's the only wine I recognize.

And all my life I don't think I'll ever meet someone that's got it together as she has, yet she remains modest.

So my big sister has got me,
In spirit of the Cisster Brand let me hear those bookings coming in..

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Incomplete Guide to Cooking Food- Tomato Soup

My heart has been aching a lot lately. I've been pushed to a corner I have never ever ever been and I'm trying to accept it without going under.
I could go under.

But I haven't 
I have something that always brings me back.
With Creed, Three Doors Down, Dashboard Confessional 
In the background telling me-

'I'm six feet from the edge
Can anyone see me down here
Just on more step I beg You please
Just one more breath I beg you please.'
One day this week I really almost went under. I was out all day with people and I really needed a moment to cry. I have become quite a cry baby lately. When I can't find a spot to howl I drink tea instead. 

So I walked into Hermes Dairy to have a cup. Hermes is our neighborhood grandfather. He specializes in milk, in its various stages of life.
We love Hermes. He tells us many stories , when his wife is not around. But let's not talk about that but let us point out one important truth:  He has a beautiful daughter who makes great brown chapati.

I found my friend had checked in some minutes earlier and just finishing his first chapati.

I told him It was nice to see him but I had had a long day and would like to sit quietly before I can face anymore humans.

He said pole, 'have a chapati too.'
I said "no I'm fine."
And he smiled and said 'no, just have a chapati.'

Because my friends know if I say no to a chapati there must be something wrong. And if a chapati won't fix it we might have to look for more measures.

I had my chapati, quietly. And I was fine by the time I was done.
 And so I explained how I been bullied this big guy who mixed all his English tenses and felt threatened when a young boy with a nice hair cut asked for clarification.
'All of you lowlifes sitting in the back come here , hakuna kitu mnaelewa!'
A low life. Seriously?
It was quite unprofessional.
But there is a certain stage in life you find yourself where you have to interact with people you would otherwise never have to deal with.

And he told me how his supervisor had refused to approve his work and how annoyed he was feeling.
And we both felt better. 
Food does that.
It covers for what words can't cover.

It started to rain but it didn't matter.
When the mud has left your heart, you can wade in mud all the way home and your step will be light like a happy girl in summer.
Let us talk about food now.

Your Shallow and Incomplete Guide to Cooking Food for People who live alone or with Cats and are Tired of Eating Ugali and Eggs every night.

I make a lot of soups. When my heart is in despair solid foods won't do. I need something that will get absorbed right away.

Today I will share 
my thick tomato soup recipe for days when your heart won't stop aching.

What you need:

3 Ripe Tomatoes 
2 Table spoonful of Tomato paste
One red hot chili pepper
2 cloves of garlic
1 teaspoonful sun flower oil (optional)

What to do:
Cut the tomatoes in half and drop then into two cups of boiling water
Let them boil until soft
Pound the garlic together with the chilli
Use the pestle to mash the tomatoes
Stir and scoop out the skins
Add salt
Add the tomato paste and stir
Add the sunflower oil
Stir in the garlic and chilli
Let it simmer for three minutes 
It should be ready.
I eat mine with bread or chips- check out the bread recipe from earlier this year.

Sent from my iPhone

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