The first thing my mother can expect from me when she is resurrected is an argument.
She will have to explain why she just wakes up dead one day and doesn't even send me an alert before.
Even a text would have sufficed.
"Hi, I am dying, you can have the radio, I knew you always coveted it."
Or "I'm out, you should have been a son."
Or
"I'm dying, don't make a scene."
Or
"I'm dying, marry someone dammit, preserve this family line for heavensake!"
Or
"I"m dying yes but I better have four grandchildren when I get up."
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| Nyawira wa Munyeki & Gathoni wa Nyawira |
All in capital letters because if she was dying she wouldn't have been able to find her specs fast enough to type that last message.
I admit I am keeping that little anger for her. Why it was such a bummer was because she always told me whenever she was leaving the house to go somewhere else other than work.
"Hi, we are going to Kisii for a funeral."
"Hey, ndathiī Donholm (her elder sister's house)
"Hey Ndathiī gwa Kami (her younger sister's house)
"Hey, nyuma kwa auntie nī akūgeithia. "(I was at my friend's house, she greeted you)
So for her to take the longest journey to be joined with her foremothers without telling me about it was a little offscript.
or maybe she didn't know about it, let me give her that, it was probably those unplanned trips tuseme. But still.
I better have a man by then because if she is resurrected looking like this then I may as well make peace with spinsterhood for eternity.
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| Even at my blossomest age I never looked as fine as this woman. |
I also need to have a few grandchildren to show her that hey look the family line is getting on.
So I hope someone nudges me when the time is nigh so I can at least adopt some quickly. A daughter will be crucial of course. And about seven sons, one of them Korean. I want those Korean eyes in my family.
I've been scared of what would happen to my emotions this week.
I was worried my grief would rise up afresh and I would be paralyzed and my head would be muddled like it was a year ago, a few months ago.
But you know what?
Time heals.
And you know what, it gets easier each day.
My biggest help have been my friends who I can totally trust with my emotions.
When you are grieving you need someone you can gush out confused emotions to.
My friends know when I say 'sijui nafeel feel aje' it means please let's chat until I start laughing at dark jokes.
My friends also know sending over a cute pillow or a cat meme will make me very happy.
I also have an aunt who was loved a lot by mother and who my mother loved a lot. And she didn't leave the scene when most people did.
And dear christian shepherds who check with me often.
It's true only Jehovah's kingdom will be able to heal us all completely.
But even right now. Our creator is not ignorant of our suffering.
And he is open to questions.
I've asked him very hard questions and cried to him in a lot of anguish.
But he has never turned me away.
He has been a real father to me.
And everyday I can smile, I owe it to him.
For now, I just keep doing my best to survive each tornado.
But very soon I will say:
“Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and is residing with them, and they are his people. And God himself is with them. And he has wiped out every tear from their eyes, and death is no more, neither is there mourning nor outcry nor pain anymore. The former things have passed away.”
Revelation 21:3,4
