The best bit about being single is the time I have had for self discovery.
I have done many summersorts in my efforts to know who I am what I am and what bits of myself I hate. And what bits I really like about my personality.
The result is each each that passes I say to myself. Gosh I was such a dimwit last year.
And I'm glad that it is all happening within my own circumference.
30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 6 : Single and Happy
Day 4 and 5 are topics I'm not ready to poke at this moment. Day six didn't look so threatening.
Yeah I'm ready to reveal scars but not all of them. As yet.
When I was younger, I used to think that I wanted to get married yes, but could we have separate rooms?
Then I thought that yeah I possibly would like to get married but not before 29 because what if I discovered I didn't like the person anymore and wanted a divorce at 30?
So I thought maybe I should wait until I am past 30, so that the desire to divorce someone would have ended and I'd just be happy to have mūndū wa kūndirithia ūkūrū.
And then I got used to being single because that was the life I knew anyway. It was my mother's life and my grandmother's life and my great grandmother's too. The former two lost their husbands early in life. My mother, well, my mother, we'll poke at that another time.
And me, well. I needed to sort my issues before I got someone's son in the mix and made them miserable.
But how could I be single and happy without being lonely?
Honestly, unless someone mentions it explicitly, I hardly ever feel like my happiness would multiply from marriage.
In my singlehood/ness. I have learned what works for me and what doesn't.
As a creative, I know how to be alone.
I think marriage to someone I really like would add to my joy, but not like from 50%to 100% but more like from 100% to 150%.
I also have learned that if I am not happy and comfortable with myself now, no son of Adam can make me happy and comfortable.
I have to know how to be happy right now.
I am happy too for the kind of tight deep reaching friendships I have had time to develop.
After marriage, one still needs these other connections.
I am happy that I can be empathetic to those who would really like a mate but haven't found the right one, or haven't been found by the right one or have had to leave the right one because of reasons.
I am happy too to have good relationships with members of the opposite sex without it needing to lead into anything. Just pure brotherly fatherly uncley relatinships.
I've had to come to terms with accepting my position as a middle aged woman in relation to single men slightly older than me and my position in relation to single men way younger than me.
It's a balancing act of knowing how to be a single woman. A younger woman the older ones could date or a big sister to the younger ones but still the sort of woman they might find attractive.
And the continued condescension between me and single men my age
So single and happy can ? Yeah.
#singleness #growth#innerwork#adulting
