Finding God: How The Man Above answers my prayers

 

I'm happy to be alive. And not just because that's what I should say to show gratitude for life.

 To be honest, life is exhausting, it can be exhausting. 

It's mostly exhausting.

 And more than once in my life I have wondered what's the point of this.

But I'm glad to be alive for another reason. The years I live in accumulation keep opening up my mind to my creator's personality.

 I'm beginning to understand who God is.

 Who he is in relation to me.

 Who he is as a God, as a father, and as a friend.

What it means to draw close to God.

I have, for the longest time been kinda afraid of getting close to God.

With him being so high up there, and me being down here and insignificant.

With him being a man, and me down here having an almost derision towards the male species.

Being self-reliant and independent. I've struggled with being able to pray and trust that God is listening to my childish wants and desires and worries.

I sometimes feel like I am burdening him with all the baggage I drag along.

Sometimes I feel I am not giving him proper respect by confessing some things that are really private and embarrassing.

But the more I have opened up myself to God, the easier it has become to see how cool he is. My friend says she and Jehovah are Boyz- Jehovah ni boyz wangu she says-

For me, I decided to approach Jehovah from a humorous point of view. 

I know that God is a very funny person. Just look at the sloth, the humphead wrasse, the armadillo. I mean, someone that creates such hilarious living things 

must have a huuge sense of humour.

So I talk to my creator as I would talk to an older brother. With respect, but comfortably.

and he answers me. I tell him all the funny things that I think about. I also tell him about

situations that arise in my life that make me a  stay up watching K-Drama so that 

my mind can settle down. I realise I am 

different in many ways from most people I encounter in my society. I don't say this from

 a high-minded pedestal.

I mean like, I interpret things in my own way, I deal with people from the point of

 - this is me-

What you see is what you get. I am not interested in putting up a skit for you,

And me, for the rest of the days that I am gonna live. I've decided the best I can do is look at life

 humorously. Otherwise, I might just crawl under my bed and never come out.

Life is herr.

It's a herrish life.

 I don't mean hellish, we are used to hell, we are on another octane.

But through all the wanderings, I now know 100% that God listens.

And he answers me. Sometimes in Eminem.

  Now hush little baby, don't you cry

Everything's gonna be alright

Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya

Daddy's here to hold ya through the night

I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why

We fear how we feel inside

It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby.

 

Sometimes in Tupac

And even though you're fed up
Huh, ya got to keep your head up

Keep ya head up, ooh, child, things are gonna get easier
Keep-keep ya head up, ooh, child, things'll get brighter (ohh)

Keep ya head up, ooh, child, things are gonna get easier
Keep-keep ya head up, ooh, child, things'll get brighter

And we move on.

Middle Age Alert: For the love of healthy eating.

I have a health freak living inside of me. Actually let's just say I have been held captive by a -whole grain, white 

meat, salad, and soup eating goblin who is here to make me pay for the uncontrolled
 sugar intake of my younger days.

 Gosh, I can't even look at the flavoured yogurt counter without the voice shouting 'that's processed sugar!'

 My friend and I are in the supermarket, I came in to buy powder soap and remembered I need yogurt.

And he says 'come, the yogurts are over here', and I say 'actually the one I want is in this fridge.' 

'But Creambell has a new flavor, see it' s peach flavored I think I'll try it. '

He says

And I say 'oh yeah well. Enjoy.' Without glancing at it. 

I cannot even eat kale and spinach like an ordinary Kenyan anymore.. nohhh it has to be kunde and sagaa and 

nderema, greens that don't even have English names.

other people are drinking cocacola mimi niko hapa nangoja juice ya miwa

The other day I was in the house and around 4.00pm I started to feel like a snack.  When you have had ugali 

Omena for lunch your mouth starts to want sweet things. I looked around the house and the only thing I could 

snack on was a bunch of carrots. Carrots yaani.

Or sugar cane which I have to peel myself, 'to strengthen thy teeth.'

Because this crossbreed of a 50-year-old mother in law and a 24-year-old young wife (kuona mbee) won't let me 

eat store-bought biscuits. 

If you want a cookie you gotta make it yourself she says and then stocks my pantry with flour and nuts and 

other stuff so I don't find any reason ya kukimbilia Mandazi mbili pale kwa Maasai in the morning.

When people are buying sweet flavored teas, zile za Kericho gold,, she goes and buys me a packet of neem tree 

tea bags.

Honestly. 

In normal homes, people are sipping passion and strawberry infused teas after dinner mimi niko hapa na 

kikombe ya murubanne.

Sometimes, when I am considering buying whole box of ginger nut biscuits I feel like one of those husbands in 

their late fifties who have to hide from their wives so they can eat some nyama choma., but I stop myse'f 

before giving in to the temptation coz I know it won't end well. I will be forced to knock at every door in my flat 

distributing the biscuits.

Ati ni maturity and even if my Shushu came to visit she would wonder whose great aunt's house we are visiting. 

Coz I mean, Gathoni where did you learn to ferment porridge?

Why can't you just get ujimix ile ya exe?

So this is where we at. I'm sitting at this restaurant and the only thing I can order is tea, because "how do you 

know they don't make their cakes with mafuta ya kupima?' 

And then maybe I'll have the arrowroot soup.