Embracing Vulnerability: Crooked Teeth

I grew up being made fun of my brown teeth. I had white teeth once, then they fell out and what grew out next were big rugged uneven teeth that started to turn color the minute they got out of the gum.

People told me a there is nothing beautiful about a girl with brown teeth.
One teacher, when she found me kneeling next to the headteacher's office(coz I had been caught singing in class during prep.
I was probably just showing off or bored or having adolescent issues) The teacher asked why I kneeling.
I didn't feel like telling her.
She wasn't in my class
So I just smiled
And she said
How dare you smile at me with such rotten teeth?

I stopped smiling, she went her way, I shrugged but then I started smiling again coz she didn't get her answer to her nosiness anyway.

 My first day of high school

I had just met some new girls and we were happily talking then a girl who had been in my primary school but now a class ahead paused in front of us and instead of saying hi.

She exclaimed

Gosh Shishilia those are such ugly teeth!
I didn't smile much after that.

But I did some figuring
My uncle, the first man I ever loved had brown teeth. But he was funny, he worked hard and he took good care of me and granny. So you could have brown teeth and still be a human being.

I also realized my teeth didn't pain . And when I had my first dental appointment he said my teeth were quite clean.

I had been brushing my teeth furiously all my life.

My mother supplied me with a toothbrush three times a year as well as a bag of sweets to last me until her next visit.

I would brush, carefully every morning and every night
Then I would tuck in two large pieces of candy into my mouth and get into bed. Mwana no mwana.

Anyhow. I also learnt that I loved other part of me. I loved my fingers, and my hair when I washed it and it came out in dark brown curls.

I also loved my nose because it was large and not tiny or flat.

And I was happy with that
As long as everything worked why stress so much about it and in any case I wasn't trying to win a beauty contest.

Then one day a girl in my class said
Wow Cecilia you have such a beautiful smile.
I said
Really? Thanks.
And I went to have a look in the mirror and sort of believed her. So I started to smile more.

She set me free.

Years later I read a book that had a teenager in it who was worried about something in her body and someone told her- you cannot have it all dear, but one thing is sure, if one thing is not right then everything else is perfect.

And I see that in many instances.
Someone might have terrible skin but they've got hips from here to Moyale.

Or another will have bad eyesight but gal those nails!

(I write something about guys here but I'm not sure I wanna say it)

Because we are not just one thing.

We are a whole lot of other things.

Style versus fashion- 5 people in my circles who posses both style and depth.

 I tell her I am wearing my mother’s coat. She is wearing her mother’s dress, so she says

“ Our mothers had style.”

And that is the difference. And the challenge when we are trying to represent who we are in the clothes we wear, and trying to look like we didn't put too much thought in what we put on today,but failing since the standards of what is appropriate is not always what goes with our body type or personality. So I wear a skirt suit and look smart but feel like a new wife.

People wear clothes every day. In 2016, sadly an influx of readymade clothes have brought back the Kenya uniform. The Kenya uniform is a type of dress, coat, sweater or shoes that you find in every clothes shop from Moyale to Tala to the Mall Westlands.  And when you walk to talk you bump into four other people wearing the same style and color. You don’t really have to think very much about what you are going to wear for that family event, or social gathering. Just send someone to buy you a blue, maroon or pink dress from Osman Allu, free size. The trend has slipped into lesos and now you only buy a leso to make into a dress at your own peril.

the common leso

But If you don’t mind that kind of lifestyle, good for you, Just ignore me.

I am a happy woman to know people that don’t rush out to buy a new dress every time there is an new affair. And when they do, they buy sensible clothes. The five I will mention have one thing in common. They are kindred souls- and you only find out when you have spent a bit of time with them.

My friend Rowena

I have been composing this piece for a while and didn’t have the fifth character. I met Rowena this year and she is a darling. She has a face that makes you confide. She will sympathise and make you feel loved and beloved.  If she had a castle she would adopt all of us.

 She has style in that she can pull off stockings in any weather. She doesn’t need 55 shirts to look well put together. She has mastered the art of a capsule wardrobe by wearing subtle colors. Her base color is dusty pink so her dusty pink coats will either have a frill, big buttons, and even lace!

Isn't she lovely?

Roger

 I must have attended a whole month of  Broadcast and Journalism before I knew who the shy boy that was bff with the Filipino boy was. Then he brought out his gear and his humour and we all took notice. His style was smart pants and shirt, suspenders and a hat that looked so easily put together even before we knew who Bruno Mars is. He even looked good dressed up as a hysterical queen in the creative class drama.

 And when we missed our test and I panicked and gave up and wanted to call every one names he is the one that said:

 What now, we have the lines

 We have the costumes

 We have the cast

 We have an audience. Let’s give them something to remember.. and we did.

Roger is the  only man in a suit

 His kindredsim came when he told us he had a child and a girl he loved back home and someone asked had he never heard of contraceptives, but everybody glared at the inquirer and life went on, with Roger as  the hero.

Markreen with an R

 You have ofcourse have heard about Markreen by now. When Mark arrives, you will know she is the girl with an R in her name. She  not only has style but is fashionable with the boldness that goes with it. It’s great when someone can make their own dresses, even cooler when one can turn anything into a dress. And that is what Markreen is made of. She can wear anything and still look like she is making a statement. Shorts, slinky material, pleated wagĩthomo skirts, anything.

that skirt

Clothes make a woman but there is got to be a woman first to be made. Markreen, when you get to know her is very witty. She will have you crackling in no time. A quiet spirit but confident enough to chongoa anybody and get away with it.

Hosea, my Cousin

Hosea is not his real name, but we have always called him that. He has always been in the background somehow. We have shared about 500 words between us this whole time, yet we grew up together. He was introverted, I was in my own world until he finished his primary school, went out and got himself a gray suit and ash shoes and we confirmed- the boy got style.

Hosea’s style is old school; he can pull off an afro  and a football jacket any day.A kindred spirit that knows how to earn a  living when he is on holiday. He has got many layers, but if you are patient, you discover corals underneath.

June Gan

June is my dear friend whose dressing is best defined as classic. She can do midi skirts anytime of the year and still look vogue. You can tell she puts a lot of thought into her choice of clothes.  You can tell quality by the way it looks, and this is what June  represents.

A kindred spirit who does not shout and preferring letters to e-mails, you might miss her in a crowd but she is the face you will remember. World, deep people are not extinct.

A yellow sweater is a perfect fit here.

As good as color may be, pastels carry the day. Bright colors are good on some people, especially those that don’t mind looking like a ball room chandelier but there is small population that does fine by less. Less color. Less clothes. Less fluff

(Anthony said it was ok to call him Filipino)