Life in Smaller Doses Please.

 

Whenever I feel like I have finally figured out life, it slips from my grip and I have to start all over again. For example at the beginning ofthe year I thought that, maybe if I did my part in the society by being good , kind and generous, society would recipocrate.

Well, it hasn't. In its place my kindness has been met with suspicion. My generousity has raised eyebrows

- na anatoanga pesa wapi na haendangi kazi? Huyu ni must akuwe amewekwa na sponsor-   -ee, hawa ndio wanazurura huku wa mabwana za watu-

(it didn't help that someone's stupid husband started ringing my phone with an excuse, sijui this sijui that but after the second ring I started ignoring. And he better thank his gods because if I picked up that call he might have ended up deaf. I can't deal with stupid people, I cannot tolerate people's stupid husbands. ) 

So I decided to mind my own business, and believe me, if I decide to mind my business, I score full points. That didn't augur well with society.

"Huyu ni nini anafanyanga hapa na hiyo paka yake, ata kwa parking usiku?"

"Ata usiku unampata na kiti nje."

This, from humans who, ukiona wamevaa nguo utafikiri wako na akili.

But of course it's expected, we insult what we don't understand, and anything that doesn't align with our point of view, no matter how limited by lack of experience it might be, becomes phantasmagoric.

Any how.  Since I cannot expect to explain my life to everybody, the  best way is to just keep on living this beautiful, fantastic life.

So today I decided that, I will stop trying to live many days in one day, it's just not possible. I have to live hour by hour, day by day.

I will stop carrying over emotions from yesterday.

 I only need to deal with today's issues, this week's issues, this month's issues.

{I lost my train of thought when looking for the trailer for the beautiful Fantastic😐😏}

Speculations Against the 40 year Old Female

One of the nastiest habits I find repulsive in people is speculation. I have recently learned  the translation for the word, it's kukisiakisia.

I have often found myelf snapping at a kisiakisiaring person because I honestly cannot tolerate it. Here's an example, you go out with you friends, and on that particular day you have one of those pre-menoposal waves that has you feeling nauseated by everything, the only thing that can pass through your throat without wretching is dawa (ginger, lemons, cinnamon boiled together and served with honey)

You don't order anything from the menu, and your friends  feel awkward to be eating and drinking and start pressuring you to  ' at least si ukule samosa .' You don't bow to the pressure, and cannot be haggered to explain. So let's say, in this case, you are not the pre-menoposal one, you are just one of the friends who is not pressuring anyone to eat trianglar shaped meat pockets, but have promptly ordered yourself a dawa as well along with the Tilapia with Ugali you are having.

And on the way home, the other friends start to talk about the one that just had a drink. ' Maybe she didn't have enough money.' 'Maybe she is on a diet.' 'Maybe she is pregnant.'

And you snap at them to say,' Maybe she just didn't feel like eating, why can't you respect that?'

That's  the safest example I could think of.

Being single, 40, childfree and happy elicits a lot of speculation. The most common one being, you have your eyes wide OPEN searching for a man. Any man. So hear comments like I - Have you seen nani recently? Do you keep in touch with nani?-

Just because I am single doesn't mean I am hot in the pants for any man that crosses my vision. In fact, a man is often the farthest thing from my mind.

I think about money, and business, and books, and cats, and forests, and my family, and God, and eternal life. A man? Is relationships all people think about? I was preoccupied with having a boyfriend in Standard Seven. Now I worry about big girl plans, big girl bills, and big girl thrills.

That said, you can be sure I am preparing some retorts.