day 13- The clock is ticking.

Wohoo! When the alarm went off this morning, every part of my body was paining. I’ve been taking too many stairs, typing too many words and my nerves have been on edge all week. The whole night I was trying to think how to connect chapter two to three. So feeling frustrated last night, I just typed what I said to myself would be the ending of chapter three.
I woke up and read the last chapter and that got me right up. I gave myself a part on my back for that. It’s been years and I have forgotten how the story ends. I am glad I decided to type it out myself because as I type, I’m getting new ideas and pulling out things that don’t feel up to date. When I finished I typed it out and this man asked if he could read when I said it was a story. He read and said- nice, I feel like I’m reading a novel, he said and I gave him the link to my blog.
Pease don’t ask me why I’ve waited this long to decide on the publishing house to send the manuscript to. I have three alternatives.
East African Publishers (I sent them short stories before but they were interested in a novel. I like the idea of having a book published by them because they have published one of my favourite writers, Barbara Kimenye. Although it could be the logo they put on the back cover. I’d like to have that on my novel.
Macmillian. I was going to send to them but I’m wondering what if they make it into a –Trend setter- the trendsetter books are good but the paper yellows with time. And Also every time I think Macmillian I think of school text books, Malkit Singh type of books.
Story moja, I already sent them a children story. I am not sure about them, I have a feeling they look for a particular kind of writing.
So we try East African Publishers.
I haven’t typed the query, now that the date is actually here, I wish for time to drag a bit, like right now I’m listening to Colbie Caillat. Earlier on I went to sit by the lake and throw stones inside. It doesn’t sound nice like when you throw a stone into a dam. But when you throw it a bit further away it makes nice ringed vibrations.
I will let you know how the send off goes. I’m anxious and worried about typos but that again is an excuse. I will look over chapter two and three again just to make sure.

Today I confirmed that I don't like speaking on the phone. Usually I need to think about something, and on the phone there isn't much chance for that so it annoys me. I am a texter.
 I'll sleep now, this week I've done things that would normally take me two months to finish. You get the picture .

The lake

Day 12

I was feeling a bit mixed up today after standing in the bus for a long time. I went to sit in a park next to a lake and had a nice thought.

I will fight you life,
Not with arms and fists and deception,
But with every tear, and every brain cell.


Every nerve in my body is strained, and I'm blinking with sleep, but it's a dozen days and I need to report.
I have some good news for you. I showed one of the children story to my friend's ten year old(he's an accomplished violinist) I was not very confident about giving it to him, he can be blunt, like most children are, and after reading for a while he came to me and asked
- why does the bee have a wig?-
Haha, A typo, which I quickly corrected.
As I was leaving, he came to me and said.

-You want to sell this right?-
I nodded and he said
- I'll design the cover-

The images I had in my mind went like this: an African Writer, a Chinese Cover Designer, an Indian Illustrator.
To complete the math, I was wondering is any of you out there from the Middle East, Europe, Australia,Oceania, USA, Antarctica? It would add a nice touch if,I had reviewers from different parts of the globe.

Another good news is chapter one of the novel is complete now. I re-arranged the words and paragraphs and gave someone to read. It does sound better now I must say.


Side note, the short haiku doesn't sound quite right but what I mean is, I will give life a fair fight, I won't just give up, give in. I will stand up and face it up squarely.

Day 11

There is nothing hard as writing a query , I found out last night. I copied some sample queries and was trying to structure them in my own words. I wrote three. One for the novel and two for a short story to two publishers. One in Malaysia and another in Kenya. I’m thinking I will also pitch the Swahili translation to other Swahili speaking countries like Oman, just a thought.

Like I promised, I need to have a good report on the 15th. I will beat this.

While I was looking over the novel, I changed some character names and also the arrangement, I must say it sounds a little better even to myself. I had this thought, Here I am talking and talking about publishing. If an interested publisher said to me hey you, can I have a look at your things? I would start to run around looking for my novel parts which are in various locations in my computer . and the chance might never come again. Like when I got a chance to speak to one Editor of the Saturday Standard, In Kenya. I must say it was embarrassing. I was near their building one morning when I decided to go in to their offices. I didn’t actually think I’d get to see him in person so it was just me and my words. I didn’t even have an idea which section I wanted to write. That’s embarrassing, I shouldn’t even be saying it . But it’s been 5 years so that’s history. I’m learning from it.

So along with sending one manuscript out this week, I will get organized.
The other thing is I realized that self publishing is not going to work. I don’t have any money so that is just one of those hopes and dreams . I will put that aside and concentrate on trimming and beautifying what I already have. If the publishers say no, then I guess I will just keep writing and maybe one rainy afternoon my children(If I don’t get published I’ll probably just go on and find a husband and start a family) will find my papers in an old file in the storeroom and say to me :Gathoni, you didn’t say you write? (they’ll call me Gathoni when they see the name on the manuscript. Or maybe they’ll call me Gathoni all the time because they won’t take me seriously enough to call me mother)And maybe they will want to use them for their school compositions since they won’t have an imagination , I figure they will want to be accountants and other such serious things-

I’ve been reading a bit, doing plenty of research too, there is something about reading that (I wanted to say, that improves the thoughts and viewpoints but I think this is not yet proven and ‘improve’ to me is a different interpretation :D) Let’s just say reading is good for all of us.
So this season I’m running. My aunt(tata) would tell me when I asked why she was always running here and there. ‘ũgateng’erio nĩ maku. To mean, your own affairs will make you run.

Day 10 came too soon.
But, I wrote four out of the 5 articles to save my life. Now I wait to see if anything gives birth(comes out of the hard work)
I edited chapter one of the novel, rearranged everything and today I’m taking it for a second opinion before I send to a publisher. I’ve realized I’m not as good as I thought in making story openings, but I know someone who can tell me right out what she thinks.
I’ve read a third of Anne of Green Gables and have completely abandoned Venus and Mars but will be getting back to it as soon as I take care of other responsibilities.
I also printed out some of the children stories, and planning to place them with some kids to get an opinion. I got a response form my friend who is a school teacher, she says there is a market for children’s books as long as they are colourful and cheap.(I should get the black and white concept out of my mind).

On other matters, this week I appreciate my mother. It is a pity that it took me this long. But I guess that’s another good thing to come out of this journey ‘to find myself.’ In all my years of basic education, primary and education, I never once got sent away from school because of fees balance. My mother did a cleaning job and every month sent granny my keep. At that time I always thought- she ought to, she’s my parent.

I never knew how it felt to be kicked out class, or be told in front of people- you owe the school, or be threatened that you’ll miss your exams, in this case, have your visa canceled. Now I know the feeling so well. I understand the sacrifices my mother made.

When my books are published, I hope she can take a break from her cleaning job to visit, London, Japan and Bangkok-her favourite places.

Day 9

I’ve been struggling with this since 7p.m, it’s now half past ten., I don’t feel like there’s much to report.
My associate, Lluvia, who is sketching illustrations for the stories will bring them tomorrow. I’m looking forward to looking at them. I also rearranged one of the stories, which I already sent to Story Moja for consideration. My friend suggested I make a better opening. So I think I’ll translate this version and pitch it either to the same publisher or another.
Thing is, I’ve done a lot of mouth work. Telling all my friends with young children that my books are coming out soon, and they all say, yes we shall buy. Actually, when I tell people I’m going to publish books they say- oh really, we’re waiting. And I know some who have been waiting very long.
Last night I did some serious work. I opened a Paypal account to facilitate the online publishing idea. Spent the entire evening squinting at the screen trying to find out where the code is. I still don’t know how to get the code. If anyone knows, do tell, the instructions on their website didn’t help me.
Three years ago when I was ready to publish, I had three sponsors. I still owe one his share. I refunded the others when the publisher asked for more than he had asked initially. My friend Ken put in the sketches and background and designed so many covers according to my whim. To this day I still feel, what a delay, this book should be out in print.
I just need to get away from my day dreams for two weeks and I’ll have something tangible. That’s why I have this blog. This is my watchman. I’m also cooking, to help me to concentrate. Well, at least that’s what I hope it will accomplish. I think of what to combine and then stand there and wait for the food to cook. The days of burning food to a crisp are fading into the past. So today I made a potatoes and a sardine curry, it turned out better than I thought even though I forgot to add garlic and lemon as I had planned to and nothing burned.

Day 8

I would like to go for a coffee with an artist. We’d talk about the structures, the waiters and make up stories about the people next table. Then we’d meet a year later and pick up from where we left.

This morning I was thinking about one time I visited an artist’s house. There were paintings and montages , sculptures and music. I drunk the coffee offered and looked around feeling quite happy.

Out of the 6 lists I made of things to do last week, I ticked off 35 of them. That’s something. I know I run around aimlessly panicking and running out of breath, but at the end of the day things get done.

So this week I have a different list.
1. Collect together the first three chapters of my novel,
write an introduction letter and send to the publishers by
15th March.I mean May.
2. Make inquiries to online publishing organizations.
3. Write the so said 5 articles to save my life
(Will tell more about this in future).

Please remind me if I forget. This is not the first time I've had a deadline . The only difference is this time, whether I do this or not will determine what my life will be like in a few months.

I’ll make myself a dress with the material that remained after making the therapy bags. Yes I got paid for them, and bought airtime to call home later tonight.

Day 7

Aren’t they just cute!
I hope their owners will think the same. I completed them this morning, took me exactly one week.
Last night was short, I didn’t write for many reasons and excuses. I got home and every part of my body was aching. So bad the sewing I did went all wrong because I was so sleepy and I had to re-do it this morning.

Most of today was spent Googling publishers and connections. I can’t say I’ve accomplished much. Been Trying to find an illustrator I worked with three years ago, he worked for Mountain Top Publishers, but all I can remember was his phrase-shika hadithi, although I’m not sure, it might have been kamata hadithi. The reason is, the company published children’s stories, so I could ask him something to that effect.
The other option is to publish online. I’m warming up to the idea. Let me Google some more to get comfortable.
Somehow I feel disappointed with myself, I think it comes from living alone. It gets to you.
I tried attracting some birds to feed at my balcony, two started coming and then I thought- I’m only in this house for a few weeks. So when they came today I just looked at them and I felt more lonely than ever.
There was an article I was writing , about beauty cosmetics for a beauty magazine called Extravaganza. It didn’t add up.
This week has been extremely exhausting and with the authorities threatening to deport me each day; it’s no wonder I feel blank and blur.
Also, my design project is not making me feel happy at all. I showed the designs to Lewis-he’s a system’s admin and he said-Let me work on them this weekend, yeah, don’t trouble your little head-
I drunk a ginger ale yesterday, the first one in Malaysia and it was a total fail. Tasted like something you drink from a bowl. I miss the Kenyan one. Reason why I mention this is because every other drink I’ve tried got me hooked. Here’s a first I never want to try again.