This Chic:Girl, Wash Your face. Like Hannah.

This is how I checked into the meetings on Sunday.
Great hair, lipstick done and wearing my favourite dress that a friend gave me.
I was early and ready to have the best zoom meeting.

I had stayed up awake most of the night watching my roof leak.
I had cried several times before 11.45 but I had washed my face and was ready for the next phase.

Power went off just before the song so I missed the talk.
And by the time I realised kumbe my power tokens had gotten finished it was time for the Watchtower discussion  so I was back like nothing had happened but this time it was raining and there were three men on my roof and dust and water falling onto the table.

But the show must go on.

A few hours later there was a zoom party.
This time the rain was coming down hard. My personal belongings, mostly books sand art were crowded in the driest corner of the house.

I was getting interrupted every five minutes.

There were loud steps coming from the roof.

I was worried someone might slide and break their leg so I was on the verge of another sobbing spell because where was I going to move to in this corona season and what if all my notebooks get too wet and I have to burn them?

Just then my landlord's wife came and said.
' Don't worry if this doesn't work you can move into the other vacant house, for the same price.'

She came with her grand daughter.

We all pretended it was not unusual that I was dressed up like a prehistoric Jewish woman.
They probably thought I had decided to fast and pray and that was my prayer attire.

I didn't mind.
I was playing Hannah in the zoom party and I was gonna be a great Hannah.

It was a lot of fun, playing Bible characters over zoom and just chilling out as friends.
And it doesn't matter that I am new here, I feel at home.

My friend asked  what I had learned from Hannah when she saw my picture in the costume.

This is a friend who reads the Bible 50 times more than I do so I have to be careful not to respond like an idiot.

What I would have liked to say is that I learned Hannah was very self controlled because if it had been me?

Three people would have gone home with black eyes.

The co wife who probably couldn't even cook a decent meal to feed the many children.
The conceited husband who thought he was the reason for Hannah's  breathing.
And Eli for thinking he could just say whatever to a random woman.


But I didn't tell her all that.

After thinking about it later I thought the best lesson I can learn from Hannah is about showing up.

To show up no matter what chaos are happening.

She didn't stay home and mope.

And after she had cried prayed like a drunkard to Jehovah, a scene I can relate to in every way,
She washed her face and get on with it.

Girl, Wash Your Face.

That is the book I am reading with a ruler and highlighter because Rachael Hollis speaks to me as a girl, a young woman and the pre-menoposal woman that I am.

She talks about feeling like you are not where you should be, about downplaying your glorious moments because you don't want to be judged?

Or even giving up our own auntheticity so that people can understand us and tolerate us more.

It made me think of when my mother came to visit me after her retirement.

At the end of the visit she said.
'You know, I think it's good to just live a private life your own way. Huku kwako kuna mastarehe ( It's very relaxing here.')

I remember thinking that that particular time she spent in my house I had not tried to impress her in any way. She had been able to see me in my own element.

 I wasn't trying to put up a show for her. I was just completely myself. I admit it wasn't the best version of myself. There was a load of washing standing up loke a stuffed statue and Happy would come and step on her face while she slept.

I had stopped struggling.
And when I stopped struggling I didn't care who accepted me or not.

And I wish I had had the courage to be myself completely without also trying to do things to please society because man, it's exhausting.

I have two people I am interested in pleasing.

Jehovah.
Me.


Every chapter is a favourite in this book
But my best line so far
Is.

-Find a tribe of people who are in a similar walk of life as you are. Once you find them, be honest about where you are and what you’re struggling with. Learn to ask for help, and when someone offers help, accept it! Accept any and all help you can get and consider it a gift from God! -

Of the best assets I could have wished to have by 2020,
having a tribe that completely understand me and my language is the best assets. A plot at Juja Kalimoni would  also be great.

My tribe consists of women who have gone through similar life stages as I have. Women who I can throw a question at and they will have a good solid answer not a washed out ' that's just how things are.'

Women who engage their brains to try and figure out thoughts, emotional and adult behaviour instead of dumping it on someone.

Women who make me think.
Women who remind me not to dare fall in love in covid-19 season when everyone is bored and wants to chat into the night.

Women who read and write amazing things.
Women who admit that they don't have it all figured out but they don't bury their head in the bread dough and pretend it doesn't concern them.

Women who save pictures of me and send them to me out of the blue just to remind Me I am awesome, but that doesnt mean they are not coz we aren't comparing each other here.

Shall I go on?

Personality Profile: A. Wan, my forever dad

This was 10 years ago.
I'm looking over at my dad, Andrew Wan.
He is chomping down his chicken and rice because he has to drive me to drama rehearsal.

I'm drinking black coffee that tastes like cotton black soil.
We came here to have a quick dinner but they don't have anything else but chicken and frogs.

I don't eat chicken and I'm too uptight to try the frog.

Actually the real reason is that the frog is the price of four dinners.
 Am a uni student and quite broke most of the time I am not gonna blow my food money on a reptile. Sorry amphibian.

So we are going to try and catch pork rice at a different place for me


I'm looking over at him like that because I feel like a real wild donkey.
I was annoyed that we stopped to catch a super and was not too nice about this being a chicken place.
And everyone is apologizing.

And Dad Wan might choke.
He just wants to eat quickly so I don't get late.

Me the wild donkey.
Three days later on the drive back to KL I will tell him his music is crap. So he will switch it off and try to stay awake anyway he can, talking to Helen. And my selfrighteoous wild donkey bottom will be looking out of the window thinking , I need to be shot.
Somebody call the firing squad.

But I guess, it's one of the things that teach you something about yourself, about other people and about God.
How God is like a father.
Because it didn't make much sense to me up until this year.
I have several dads now. Some I pursued, some realised there was a need, like
Andrew Wan.
I think he took one look at me and decided.
'What a worm, it needs a can before the Malaysian heat burns it into a crisp.'

He warned me off indo mee.

In his words
 'You eat indomee everyday your brain dies lah. '
So he would go to the market and buy me proper bean noodles and whole grain rice.
He told me the cheap places to eat and told me how to cook Asian meals.
Then he gave me Chinese classics to read then he said I needed to learn Asian music culture. His friend Mr Lim had every time of music so I got my hands into that as well.

Me and some other chaoThis was 10 years ago.
I'm looking over at my dad, Andrew Wan.
He is chomping down his chicken and rice because he has to drive me to drama rehearsal.

I'm drinking black coffee that tastes like cotton black soil.
We came here to have a quick dinner but they don't have anything else but chicken and frogs.

I don't eat chicken and I'm too uptight to try the frog.

Actually the real reason is that the frog is the price of four dinners.
 Am a uni student and quite broke most of the time I am not gonna blow my food money on a reptile. Sorry amphibian.

So we are going to try and catch pork rice at a different place for me


I'm looking over at him like that because I feel like a real wild donkey.
I was annoyed that we stopped to catch a super and was not too nice about this being a chicken place.
And everyone is apologizing.

And Dad Wan might choke.
He just wants to eat quickly so I don't get late.

Me the wild donkey.
Three days later on the drive back to KL I will tell him his music is crap. So he will switch it off and try to stay awake anyway he can, talking to Helen. And my selfrighteoous wild donkey bottom will be looking out of the window thinking , I need to be shot.
Somebody call the firing squad.

But I guess, it's one of the things that teach you something about yourself, about other people and about God.
How God is like a father.
It made me learn that I don't have to be a perfect human being to be loved.
God as a father allows for mistakes.

He knows the percentage of nonsense we are capable of without necessarily being  wicked people. Just that we inherited stupidity along with all other faults  from Adam.

Because it didn't make much sense to me up until this year.
I have several dads now. Some I pursued, some realised there was a need, like
Andrew Wan.
I think he took one look at me and decided.
'What a worm, it needs a can before the Malaysian heat burns it into a crisp.'

He warned me off indo mee.

In his words
 'You eat indomee everyday your brain dies lah. '
So he would go to the market and buy me proper bean noodles and whole grain rice.
He told me the cheap places to eat and told me how to cook Asian meals.
Then he gave me Chinese classics to read then he said I needed to learn Asian music culture. His friend Mr Lim had every time of music so I got my hands into that as well.

Me and some other chaps would get a ride in his car for meetings.

'Sisiliiia, you cannot wear black black all the time. You are black and  wear black also? A  driver cannot see you at night you'll get hit lah...'

So I gave up my grunge wear  to avoid death by car accident.

We would be gathered in his house for service meeting and he would be asking us, the college students.
'You have breakfast already or not? You want coffee? Your aunt made kway Teo you can eat some lah no need to be shy. Are you hungry or not?

And that is what I needed lah. In a period of my life when things were happening quickly and at the same time I needed a good shaking to start thinking again.

I got straight up counsel
I got told off
But behind that there was love. I could sense love.

He calls me his beautiful daughter.

And he doesn't let me get away with any nonsense.
I will post something stupid on Facebook and I will get a piece of his thinking.
qz
For over ten years I have always been assured that someone cares for me, deeply enough to watch my steps.
Deeply enough to explain family and societal relations to me.
Coz it can be taken for granted, that we will always know how to interact with family members and other members of the society.

But in a dynamic culture as the global one we are in, it's only a matter of time before you step on someone's toes.

He cheers me up with memes and health videos.
So this month, I have been really grateful.
He sends me a corona alert every day.
In paradise, I want a plot right next to him and his family.s would get a ride in his car for meetings.

'Sisiliiia, you cannot wear black black all the time. You are black and  wear black also? A  driver cannot see you at night you'll get hit lah...'

So I gave up my grunge wear  to avoid death by car accident.

We would be gathered in his house for service meeting and he would be asking us, the college students.
'You have breakfast already or not? You want coffee? Your aunt made kway Teo you can eat some lah no need to be shy. Are you hungry or not?

And that is what I needed lah. In a period of my life when things were happening quickly and at the same time I needed a good shaking to start thinking again.

I got straight up counsel
I got told off
But behind that there was love. I could sense love.

He calls me his beautiful daughter.

And he doesn't let me get away with any nonsense.
I will post something stupid on Facebook and I will get a piece of his thinking.
For over ten years I have always been assured that someone cares for me, deeply enough to watch my steps.
Deeply enough to explain family and societal relations to me.
Coz it can be taken for granted, that we will always know how to interact with family members and other members of the society.

But in a dynamic culture as the global one we are in, it's only a matter of time before you step on someone's toes.

He cheers me up with memes and health videos.
So this month, I have been really grateful.

He sends me a corona alert every day.
In paradise, I want a plot right next to him and his family.

MY STAY HOME remedies

I have added Vietnam to the list of places I want to go.
The cool in this Corona handwashing video is something I need in my life.
I haven't learned the dance yet. I know the lyrics though.

Go watch this video as you stay home stay safe.

I was starting to feel quite disoriented.  So I decided to come up with entertainment for my stay at home.


I watch Saturday Night live everyday.

and get all my Corona News from The Daily Show

I listen to Stay home parodies. Chris Mann just wants a burger with chips

This girl is torn: Her hands are dry.

I have learned how to make potato pancakes.
You have potato at home?
If it's windy and sunny, bring a hat and sunglasses.

Then I tried to learn how to make a wig but ended up learning how to make a butt lifter.

I like this girl's confidence

The rest of the time I am just laughing at mom memes.
Here:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-nMzbOHfYI/
She is a mother of boys so it's  mostly farting stories.

and this one
https://www.instagram.com/closetoclassy/

I have been drawing with this girl here:
https://www.instagram.com/p/B-sTCszgJSF/

Your Shallow and Incomplete Guide to Cooking Food:

For people who are locked in and are worried about running out of food soon.

How to prepare nutrient rich green gram sprouts  (ndengu zimemea kiasi)

After a while  you get to that point where you have no idea what to cook.
I got to that point this week. I get hungry but I am not interested in anything I have been cooking.

I have also been thinking I need to pump nutrients into my body, as compared to just filling my stomach.

I am keen on what I eat but I am imagining a situation where I have to ration my food.
I trust in God to provide but even Noah kept some food to eat when he would be in lockdown.

Would it not be better if I figured out what food combinations in small quantities can provide me with at least a balanced a mix of nutrients daily.
Rather than ending up cooking ugali with a soft ugali for stew.

My neighbour gave me a bunch of greens from her garden. She knows ni kubaya.
So they are in the recipe.

 I remembered some green grams I bought a while back and was planning to throw out.

I don't cook green grams for the simple reason that I don't know which ones have less rocks and everyone claims to sell ndengu from Makueni.

The ones I buy  must be from Kwale.
They have at least 200 gms of small rocks and sand inside for every kilo.
Though this is a good time to clean them up and store them clean.

But I remembered I used to make sprouts. Then stopped when I read that they can cause food poisoning.

I did some reading and found out kumbe it's mishandling that causes e.coli to grow in sprouts.
A safe way to eat them is by cooking them thoroughly.

But do we ever eat salads willingly in Kenya? Let's see by a show of hands.

We are okay.


Sprouts have high percentages of protein, higher than the normal boiled ndengu.
In fact one YouTube video I watched claimed that sprouted ndengu have 50% more protein than when eaten as a regular lentil.

Gimme gimme some sprouts right now.

They also have antidioxants, vitamins and vitamins which you can Google later.

I cooked my sprouts for lunch yesterday and after eating I deliberately lay down to 'listen to myself' in case food poisoning was coming. I woke up to an alarm an hour later.

I still haven't  got any running stomach or reaction. So we are good.

Disclaimer: Sprouts, according to my taste buds are quite flat. But it's like how mothers always have githeri around the house in a big sufuria during school holidays so the kids can have something to keep their mouths engaged. So if you want taste, look somewhere else.


HOW TO

• Clean the lentils by picking out small rocks and the hard green grams.
• 
  
• Wash them
• 
  
• Soak in water for eight hours
• 
  
• Drain the water after the soaking
• 
  
• Transfer them into a dry container and cover it with a wet kitchen cloth.
• 
  
• Leave for another 12 hours.
• 
  
• They will start sprouting.
• 
  
• Wash them
• 
  
• Put them in a pot with a bit of water and cook for 10 minutes.
• 
  
• Add salt and turmeric.
• 
  
• After the 15 minutes I added oil, ginger, garlic and chilli  then cooked for another five minutes.

It was a bit dry yes so I had it with this superdelicious cup of peppermint tea.

I don't know if it's just me or is this quarantine making anyone else crave sugar?

But maybe coz I don't have many interesting things to eat in the house.

When you are walking about outside you come across yummy things like bananas and avocados from Mexico and njugu.
I walk around my house and all I see is dry foods that need to be boiled or roasted.
Also, should I be rationing my food intake? Should I limit my meals to one per day in case we are here until July?

I despair sometimes.
Then I go online and discover people like  Chris Mann and I'm not so frightened anymore. His vogue parody is the best. Check out his Hello from the Inside if you are going out of your mind.
I am
And I think it's good for me somehow.

I started responding to my neighbours efforts to talk.
Today we were planting ferns for a few hours with  my neighbours' kid.

I typed this yesterday.

We kept social distance. We sanitized and he was in charge of the soil, and I in charge of the containers.

He is more bored than me.
Everyone is bored.
But I think we are mostly just in a serious panic.

Next I'm going to have a wall of all the things that are keeping me sane this Corona Season.

I'll also look for more frugal living tips to help you maximise your lockdown supplies.

Dairy Farm Stories: A picnic

"She will love deeply -she will suffer terribly -she will have glorious moments to compensate - as I have had-" Emily of Newmoon.



I was feeling agitated and another feeling I wasn't sure of. Then it hit me that it was two weeks into the corona outbreak and my mother had not called to check on me.

My mother always called. Every bus crush on Mombasa road, or any Mololine just in case I had been on it. Every earthquake, every political upheaval, every collapsed house in Huruma, every matatu strike. She would call to ask If I was okay and if I hadn't heard about it why haven't I watched the news?

So I went to see my shushu.
I was scared she would ask me about my mother.

Here we are now having a picnic.
She is feeding the pumpkin bits to the dogs.
Or pretending to but she is observing me.
I'm startled when she commands me to stop being sad.
'Why do you sit like someone in great sorrow?'

'Oh,'  I say.
She goes on,
'You should not wear a sad face.'

'What of I am sad? What should I do?' I ask.
'You should look for something that brings you joy.' She says
I snap at her;
'But I am sad right now. If you were hungry and I told you stop being hungry without giving you food would your hunger stop?'

She says,
'People have gone through a lot of different pains. But they have endured.'
I know she is right but I don't want to hear it.

I want to tell her I cannot turn my feeling on and off like a robot..
I start to cry instead.
Because I shouldn't snap at my
 Shushu.
She has suffered greatly.
I also should know better.
I am on instgram learning about self care and grief and shadow work And all of that and I can read my Bible.

And in spite of her limited exposure to all of this she always really tries to understand, even when her mind fails her.

She has buried 5 kids and a husband and friends. She has been broke and alone and in despair but she is still standing. She is now a shell of her former self.
What really is Alzheimer's?
How can she know her daughter is dead but not know whether she is eating rice or githeri?

But her spirit is alive, strong and courageous.

'Happy are those who mourn. ' That's  what I should have told her.

Because if anyone deserves a better life it's my shushu,  and her family.
We have been down and under.
One rude shock after another.
When we are barely up we are again reminded of the taste of the ground.

Our humans and  our animals all suffer together.
Tom sees my tears and starts to lick my face with a broken paw on my chest.

Our now one eyed Tom.
He has taken hit after hit.
I Start to laugh.
Shush tells Tom
'Eheria Urimū haha.'


Then she goes off to pick up fire wood and I go off to clean up the dishes.
Tomorrow I will be in the happiest place in Nairobi.
Tomorrow I not wear a sad face.

Your Shallow and Incomplete guide to cooking food:

For people who are locked down and cannot run to the kiosk to get some fresh meat.

So we are just going to make recipes out of what is in the house.
Now that I am here. I have a craving for things I don't even eat.

Tropical sweets
Kdf
Cream cakes
Roasted Chicken feet

Yeah.

'Eating seeds as a pastime activity The toxicity of our city, our city.'

I can post another fried omena recipe for you. It's basically what I am eating this week. And beans. But beans are nasty. They make You second guess your digestive system.
Omena with Apple Cider Vinegar
Omena in milk
Omena with tomatoes only
Deep fried omena.

But we'll get creative. Three weeks is a long time to be within the home area.
I watched two and a half men burning  a carpet for an entire morning . A three meter pvc  carpet which would be insequntial in non-corona times but became the main agenda for these men today.

One of my neighbours got married into the next plot. She just moved one item after another with her baby on her back to her new man's house next door.

On Monday I had a rush of blood to my head. I thought of the overstretched time ahead of me. The hustler me who needs to go out every day to hunt and gather. The hasla me who isn't on a payroll and needs to harangue and think and think and think everyday how to keep surviving.

Then I stopped panicking, because it has been worse. And I have food, clothing and shelter.
And books, and hobbies, and friends and sanitizer.
And I haven't got my head buried in the sand.
I have made some plans in case this gets out of hand.
And I am in touch with those who matter.
But I cannot help it when my head is playing.

'We are going down sugar.
Sugar plum going down swinging'

Maybe I'll go back to growing sprouts.
And brewing fruit wine.
And sewing shapeless covers to cover things. From my old clothes.

I've checked on everyone.
I think almost everyone.
And I came up with a new list of the things that really matter to me in life.
I have summarised my basic needs to two major items
And three minor items.

We are assuming their is WiFi and and a garden outside.

1. A big kitchen with space for a radio and shelves and cabinets everywhere. Big extra large sinks with faucet taps. And solid work spaces I can sit on without freezing my bottom.

2. A  big spacious bathroom with big Windows that look out into a big expanse or a jungle. It should have a high counter for a music player. A big basket with hair and body washes and snacks.

My minor needs
1. Wheat flour
2. Tomatoes
3. Tea

Yes Suzie,I'm hungry again.

I know I need large Windows in my bathroom. Don't ask why. I just know.

Feed the birds. 

Celebrating One month anniversary.

Of not getting a tatoo.
And the only thing stopping me right now is the thought that if I save enough from the tatoo money I might be able to get myself a real silver chain from @wardrobebanter which I can pass on to my children  to teach them the value of self control.

I will give it to the boy. His name will be Craig, or David or Luke. Definitely Luke.
'He will be one of those quiet types who end up taking up a passion they would defend with their lives.
He will be short.  Not short average height, unless he takes after my grandmother.

The girl will take after the father, flashy and extremely  extroverted.  I will be a little afraid of her so I won't give it to her coz she will sell it to buy a bikini.

I will say to Luke.
'Luke my son, this is the reason I didn't get a tatoo when I was middle aged, may you remember this when you get tempted.'

For the longest time, I have wanted a tatoo. When most people are being  tempted by sex or trying to find a cocaine joint or drink themselves silly. I'm here visualizing how that barbed wire tatoo would look around my upper arm. I would never wear a coat even in cold weather.
Just prance around showing off my *mambobad side. Like a war an action movie hero or a black belt you know?
Any way.

After setting up a home for myself at Lytz salon for two months, we expanded.
We grew
Lytz Salon was a place where I walked around with my mouth gaping wide all the time.
The kind of styles that the hairdressers could pull off.
The level of skill that every single person whether a hair technician or nail technician had.
Everything was done with excellent skill within minimum time.

I Learnt that you've got to love what you do and you have to do it properly.

I managed to wiggle my way into Ralph's Hairworks with 1/3 of the former Lytz.

How to best describe @Ralph'sHairworks.

Is simply to say that : Here is a Hair Studio
Here we learn the art of hair.
Here we love hair.

Other people take hair as fashion or pop culture.
The difference?
When you look at hair as a fashion accessory then it doesn't matter what destructive products or washing technique you use as long as you get the desired finish.

Hair art is different.

Art means you respect the hair, because you are gonna need your hair after the shine is gone.

How I know this is it is at Raph's Salon where I was washed properly for the first time in a salon.
My hair didn't tangle and cut and the guy knew exactly what to do, and that was just, a by the way Cecilia let's wash your hair.
I felt like I needed to go round apologizing to all my clients for shampooing them the wrong way.
What was that?
*Cringe.*

Hair can be mischievous.
It gives back what you give it.
When you mistreat it, it gives you a bald head to deal with.
You've got to respect you hair for it to respect you.

Rhaph has a team of high energy specialists who all know what their job is.
I can judge the vybe of a place by the amount of art that I am able to create.
The month that I've been here I had drawn and sketched and written things and decorated and felt completely at ease.
It's an artsy vybe.

I am getting better at braiding, crotchet styles.

Not as great as @motimi2011.
I'll never come close she is on her own lane
With make-up as well.

So here we are:
Learning
Growing
Living
Kicking good butt and all of that.

And trying not to walk into the tatoo parlour. That I am staring at every waking moment.

And you are all welcome.
My first client Debbie. Thanks Debbie.