The difference between don’t worry and stop worrying, is the difference between sympathy and empathy.

“Tiga Kũmaka. “ I heard my brain telling me as I headed out to go do a most daunting task.

-and now we are taking you to Zebra Centre, here you shall be able to see the last three surviving white zebras in the world. Keep in mind, they are kept under lock and key…….

I was sure I would scramble my head proper but the voice telling me, “leave off worrying” reassured me.

Then I fell sick. Each time I fall sick, I am in denial for about three days, drinking concoctions and forcing myself to rest and hoping it goes away. Like the average Kenyan, I don’t trust hospitals.

 I once was transcribing a research interview and some questions went this way:

Interviewer: Do you go for an annual overall check?

Respondent: (silence)

Interviewer: Do you go into the hospital when you are not sick just to get checked?

Respondent: Why?

Interviewer: When do you go to the hospital to see a doctor?

Respondent: (mwambie labda nipilekwe nikiwa mahututi)

Interpreter: He says, when he is unconscious.

So Day three I realized, oh my goodness this must be the big one, the one that carries me off to my final resting house and I’m gonna just go lay down in Lang’ata while people continue to eat cheese and drink red wine. 

Man, it’s almost midnight but I need a doctor.

And my two friends arrived in less than ten minutes.

Many times on my way home, the song- don’t worry be happy- will be playing in the matatu but I get home and my worries arrive at the same time. 

We like to throw the phrase- ndũkamake, or don’t worry – at people. Don’t worry, you will find another job, or don’t worry,the rain will eventually stop. Since Nairobians fear rain more than acid attacks, you’d think the rain was acidic. Though it’s not a great idea to walk in the rain-look where it got me.

But, it’s until someone tells you- Tiga Kũmaka, leave off worrying- that you actually stop.

 If someone tells you stop worrying, they redirect your attention to something else, leave off your worrying and re-organise you head, or look out of the window.

One person will find you trying to balance a suitcase on your head and two Nakumatt bags on both your hands and will smile and tell you,

“ if you need anything, just tell me ok?”

Like you’d ever.

Another will take the two bags from you and walk slowly with you the 500 metres to the bus stop, and they will have saved your life. You will wave at them the next time you pass by dressed up in heels and a glittery handbag and their friends will elbow them for knowing someone shinny.

So automatically, when I became  nerve wrecked, what came to mind is what granny would say- Gathoni, TigaKũmaka, kau nĩ kaũndũ kanini, natũtigatenderie ndeto mũno- and I stopped worrying.

But If she said don’t worry about it, it meant she didn’t take my problem seriously.

I find a lot of empathy in deaf  culture. We are one community, one tribe. If  a member of the tribe is unwell, then  we buzz around them until they are back on their feet.

So  at 1a.m, as I listened to the two souls trying to make sense of my kitchen turned jungle, I realised it’s not where you are but who you are with that makes people run to the doctor, just so you can spend a few more days with such good fellows.

wild roses are the best

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Empathy and Sympathy

Style versus fashion- 5 people in my circles who posses both style and depth.

 I tell her I am wearing my mother’s coat. She is wearing her mother’s dress, so she says

“ Our mothers had style.”

And that is the difference. And the challenge when we are trying to represent who we are in the clothes we wear, and trying to look like we didn't put too much thought in what we put on today,but failing since the standards of what is appropriate is not always what goes with our body type or personality. So I wear a skirt suit and look smart but feel like a new wife.

People wear clothes every day. In 2016, sadly an influx of readymade clothes have brought back the Kenya uniform. The Kenya uniform is a type of dress, coat, sweater or shoes that you find in every clothes shop from Moyale to Tala to the Mall Westlands.  And when you walk to talk you bump into four other people wearing the same style and color. You don’t really have to think very much about what you are going to wear for that family event, or social gathering. Just send someone to buy you a blue, maroon or pink dress from Osman Allu, free size. The trend has slipped into lesos and now you only buy a leso to make into a dress at your own peril.

the common leso

But If you don’t mind that kind of lifestyle, good for you, Just ignore me.

I am a happy woman to know people that don’t rush out to buy a new dress every time there is an new affair. And when they do, they buy sensible clothes. The five I will mention have one thing in common. They are kindred souls- and you only find out when you have spent a bit of time with them.

My friend Rowena

I have been composing this piece for a while and didn’t have the fifth character. I met Rowena this year and she is a darling. She has a face that makes you confide. She will sympathise and make you feel loved and beloved.  If she had a castle she would adopt all of us.

 She has style in that she can pull off stockings in any weather. She doesn’t need 55 shirts to look well put together. She has mastered the art of a capsule wardrobe by wearing subtle colors. Her base color is dusty pink so her dusty pink coats will either have a frill, big buttons, and even lace!

Isn't she lovely?

Roger

 I must have attended a whole month of  Broadcast and Journalism before I knew who the shy boy that was bff with the Filipino boy was. Then he brought out his gear and his humour and we all took notice. His style was smart pants and shirt, suspenders and a hat that looked so easily put together even before we knew who Bruno Mars is. He even looked good dressed up as a hysterical queen in the creative class drama.

 And when we missed our test and I panicked and gave up and wanted to call every one names he is the one that said:

 What now, we have the lines

 We have the costumes

 We have the cast

 We have an audience. Let’s give them something to remember.. and we did.

Roger is the  only man in a suit

 His kindredsim came when he told us he had a child and a girl he loved back home and someone asked had he never heard of contraceptives, but everybody glared at the inquirer and life went on, with Roger as  the hero.

Markreen with an R

 You have ofcourse have heard about Markreen by now. When Mark arrives, you will know she is the girl with an R in her name. She  not only has style but is fashionable with the boldness that goes with it. It’s great when someone can make their own dresses, even cooler when one can turn anything into a dress. And that is what Markreen is made of. She can wear anything and still look like she is making a statement. Shorts, slinky material, pleated wagĩthomo skirts, anything.

that skirt

Clothes make a woman but there is got to be a woman first to be made. Markreen, when you get to know her is very witty. She will have you crackling in no time. A quiet spirit but confident enough to chongoa anybody and get away with it.

Hosea, my Cousin

Hosea is not his real name, but we have always called him that. He has always been in the background somehow. We have shared about 500 words between us this whole time, yet we grew up together. He was introverted, I was in my own world until he finished his primary school, went out and got himself a gray suit and ash shoes and we confirmed- the boy got style.

Hosea’s style is old school; he can pull off an afro  and a football jacket any day.A kindred spirit that knows how to earn a  living when he is on holiday. He has got many layers, but if you are patient, you discover corals underneath.

June Gan

June is my dear friend whose dressing is best defined as classic. She can do midi skirts anytime of the year and still look vogue. You can tell she puts a lot of thought into her choice of clothes.  You can tell quality by the way it looks, and this is what June  represents.

A kindred spirit who does not shout and preferring letters to e-mails, you might miss her in a crowd but she is the face you will remember. World, deep people are not extinct.

A yellow sweater is a perfect fit here.

As good as color may be, pastels carry the day. Bright colors are good on some people, especially those that don’t mind looking like a ball room chandelier but there is small population that does fine by less. Less color. Less clothes. Less fluff

(Anthony said it was ok to call him Filipino)

A song translation for my Highland Nilote friend Angie who laughs about the tales in One man Guitar Music.

Sam Kĩnuthia- Wairurĩ

Wairurĩ, let the neck of the pastor go.

Wairurĩ, Stop strangling the pastor,

Let them bring you a gown, I will marry you too

I will have two wives whatever happens will happen.

I Kĩnuthia, when I was released from Mathare(mental hospital)

And my Wairurĩ was put back  in.

So I went to home to Kĩambogo, to my mother  Wairimũ

I started to go to Catholic church every Sunday.

 So Satan went to God and asked permission to ruin my life

Like he did for Job

And because fleshly eyes just see fleshly things

 The devil visited my home wearing a red Kaunda suit.

Wairurĩ, let the neck of the pastor go.

Wairurĩ, Stop strangling the pastor,

Let them bring you a gown, I will marry you too

I will have two wives whatever happens will happen

When a thief is stealing, he wears a suit

 When the police is working, he is wearing a suit

 So satan appeared to my mother in visions.

And she said- son, I’m growing old, a person does not shoot like a tree,

You better marry.

The word says we obey parents, I didn’t ask any question,

I just went to the priest and told him about the visions

 And the priest said- that is God’s doing, choose whomever you like-

Wairurĩ, let the neck of the pastor go.

Wairurĩ, Stop strangling the pastor,

Let them bring you a gown, I will marry you too

I will have two wives whatever happens will happen

My fleshy eyes showed me Lucy Karĩmi, who had been brought up with rice since childhood

So we prepared a wedding and we announced

 On radio, the newspaper even in the television

 My wedding was in July

Wairurĩ had been released in May and while at home in Karatina,she heard
Kĩnuthia was marrying Lucy Karĩmi.

Wairurĩ, let the neck of the pastor go.

Wairurĩ, Stop strangling the pastor,

Let them bring you a gown, I will marry you too

I will have two wives whatever happens will happen.

(some mad guitar)

the video  is not as great as the song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt-zvjNxbOA