I think I like the way cats just move I to your life and settle in like they were there all along.
A cat has moved into my life and now he treats me like I'm the annoying roommate who finishes all the food before the other gets home.
I have named him Cherries Long. Because he is quite a long breed and his eyes are bright and playful.
When a cat moves into your life. He doesn't waste time with long introductions.
He comes in, looks around and decides 'oh, I like it here. I think I'll stay.'
A cat doesn't bring baggage.
He comes with the clothes on his back and begins a new life with you.
A cat does not ask if you have had other cats before and if you are still attached to them.
He is happy to be here with you now.
A cat doesn't need constant reassuarance, that yes, un chat, you are the best cat I ever had and your cuddles are the best I've ever had and yes I think of my other un chats but you are here now and you bring me comfort.
I assure you, this is all about cats.
But it got me thinking about the different types of relationships I have.
I love the kind of relationships I have with about five of my close friends.
The kind of conversations we can have.
We are past that game playing stage where -you didn't reply my text last week so I will ignore your whatsapp-
Our conversations start when they do and end when they do.
They are random
Unconditional
And honest.
My biggest regret is that in the busy business of growing up, I didn't develop this kind of relationship with my family.
Yes we talk and laugh and lift each when lifting is needed, but there lacks that essential trueness that I have come to grow into with the friends I have now.
I'll talk about it more on the blog.
What I mean is apart from how is work and have you eaten and the weather, there is nothing else to talk about. If I was interested in politics or the Nairobi Stock Exchange, maybe. I was, when I wrote financial articles. But the interest started and ended with the printing of each monthly article.
I guess if I had given it a shot I may have managed to get my family to talk about feelings. I donno, I am too sentimental and this was not even about my family.
I'm thinking of Katie Melua's lyrics
'But the moments we create always seem to ring more true.'
It is a decision.
You decide the rhythm you want your family to have.
You decide the kind of conversations you want to keep having with your hexagonal of your friends.
It is about the safe space that you develop to allow thoughts, dreams, daydreams and nightmares to be pocked at and be understood.
And somehow I believe it's possible.
When we embrace vulnerability.
I believe I have scared off quite a few potential friends and mates when I started to talk about immortality vs mortality, the futility of a master brain in a seven decade lifesspan and similar topics that many don't want to venture into but what is the purpose of the brain of not to test its limits in safe enough theories.
One day I will have a family and I guess my idea is. If I am to have children, I want them to ask me questions and disagree with me and If I am to have a spouse I want him to tell me no you are off But I love you so get off your high chair and fetch me a cup of something.
I am constantly craving feedback.
No adulation or praise or even a pat on the back.
I mean,
I like engagement.
I like to know that you get me. And of you are not getting me I need you to seek clarification. From me.
Because I have often been misunderstood.
And for that I come off as awkward and disjointed.
But here we are in 2020 and I have a clan that totally gets me.
So I'm grateful for that.
Layers of me
And as I continue to peel off more layers and layers of me.
I believe I may have a chance to stand infront of me completely true.
Unencumbered and unhidired by bright my own or the society's expectations of a woman.
With less fear
With less shame
With less regrets
With less angst
With more freedom.
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