Your Shallow and Incomplete Guide to Cooking Food

For People who live alone or with cats and are tired of eating maize meal with eggs every night.

How to enjoy green bananas

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I have a new neighbour;
And she sent her house manager with a bowl of green bananas to give to me.

I received it with thanks. I was surprised, we live in a world where neighbours fear one another, regard one another suspiciously and complain to the landlord behind your back. 

If you try to be kind a negative motive is pegged on your goodwill, so you also stop trying and mind your business.

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But I do not say no to food. No. Even if you bring me yams and I have no idea how to begin cooking them I will spit in my chest and pray that all the farms you grow your crops on produce one hundredfold.
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I like green bananas. There are so many ways to cook them.
I sometimes fry them in a beef stew.

Other times I bake them in coconut.

But never mashed.

I don't know which bananas mash well and which keep looking at you after the potatoes are completely mashed.
I had boiled some beans.

Yellow beans, which I discovered in an unlabelled icecream container, all this while I had been assuming it was Maizemeal.
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I don't cook yellow beans.

For the same reason I don't watch blockbusters.
They are too popularized.
Ati they don't give you gas, they don't give you acid.
Okay. Fine maybe they don't.

But we've been eating all these other beans since '53.

And it was well acknowledged that beans give you gas, and make you fart.
That's what beans do.
So you eat them on the days you will be working out in the open air or alone in the office.
No matter how many times we interbreed them, beans will be beans.
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It's a conspiracy.

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So instead, I strictly cook the underdogs of  the beans society.
Beans with expletive names like:

'Birds' poo'
'The somersaulter '
'Big Field Mouse'
And, the tastiest, 'Flowers'
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I eat avocados quite often now after someone told me that:

A. They are good for women. Don't ask me how.
B. They create an alkaline environment that discourages the growth of Covid-19 virus in your body.

I eat avocados in salads, between bread slices, in smoothies and with a tea spoon, standing in my kitchen with a sink full of dirty dishes.

I talk to myself when I am eating an avocado. Things like "oh this is so sweet, Gathoni when last did you eat such an avocado? You should certainly go back and buy ten of these, honest, truly."

For this, I sliced the bananas thinly and deep fried them, made a salad, added the cooked beans and life was never better.

The Shallow and Incomplete Guide to Cooking Food is back.