Monday, May 13, 2024

This chic: The men from the Lake Side


I can’t sleep for various reasons so I might as well tell you an embarrassing story about that time when 

the whole 32 years of the womanhood  in me had a crush on a younger Luo man. He was possibly 

27  but that is still a big age difference in both of our tribes,  an older woman is shocking enough 

to take your mother straight to her grave. But it didn’t matter. Mimi I had never met such a beautiful 

human being and I was embarrassing myself flirting left right and center until my friend asked me - it’s 

that bad huh? -

I have always been into Tall dark and handsome homo-sapiens whose forefathers invented fish to be their main cash crop. It is not the reason I can understand 30% Dholuo, it was an idea I developed before I even 

developed, out of the fear of marrying my half- brother by mistake. 

My mother being a single woman who didn’t particularly think highly of kabira, gave me answers to questions I had but had not asked; there was no way my biological father could have been a Luo. 

So if I was going to get married, I would marry the darkest Luo I could find. I would not chance marrying a Kikuyu and end up giving birth to a child with three eyes. 

Then I met my father but my attraction to the lake people didn’t disappear. 

In my defense, I had not met my cousins from biological father’s side-  what if I married a cousin? -

Anyway, I told my Luo friends about this crush and they did a thumbs up sign which to me meant I was almost engaged and already planning the garden wedding ikuwe hapo Bethsaida Gardens, Kikuyu Town.

But then after some research my two friends managed to find out that this hot brotha was seeing someone and his attention to me was just good manners, to a big sister.

He didn’t call me big sister big sister passe. But ushawai itwa big siz na mtu unacrushia? Ama small bro (haha that’s even worse)

So like a month after realising Kumbe I am just a big siz, my friends invited me over and they had a big size Bacardi and sprite. As we ate and drunk, my friend’s  husband mentioned he had a movie recommendation for me and since the Barcardi was already taking effect, I did not resist when he searched and played the movie

- He is not that into you.- 

I watched, ate crisps and dipped in more rum, and I guess that numbed my feelings.

Huyo alienda hivyo.

Next I might tell you about that time I was into Chinese guys. 

But if you haven’t bought any of my books you are missing out.

Get one here

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