Conversations on dating as a broke year old.

 

He said if you haven't been on a date at Uhuru Park then you haven't seen anything.
'You have to have done an Uhuru Park date in campus at least.'
As a guy you arrive there kitu 11, unajiseti hapo facing the gate so you get to see your date coming,,,
Lakini by 12 you start to get drowsy from the breeze and the preachers.
'Unatoa viatu, unazilalisha kichwa hapo.'

"Why do you remove your shoes?"

"Coz it's hot."

'No, not because of the heat, because if you leave them on, they might get stolen.'

"Nani atakutoa viatu in public?"

'It's like this, when you are broke, you hardly ever get clothes that fit you properly. So uko hapo na Kitshirt kikubwa, very baggy trousers, you might even be wearing a shirt, an off-white shirt that fits loosely. But your shoes will never ever be your size. If you fall asleep at the park, they fall off and someone will need no force to remove them. That is why you remove them, plus your polyester jacket, and use them as a pillow. Then when the time nears for your date to arrive unapanguza panguaza macho, you wear your shoes and face the direction she is coming from. That way you see her coming in.'

"This is not just a story, you have actually done this."

'Of course, kwani? That time you don't even have money to take her to those fast food joints. Uko tu na pesa ya soda. Akifika hivi unamwagizia Softa na Mandazi.'

"Softa always had an offer."

'Yeeees, bogof. So for the price of two, you get four.'

"Na Softa kwani ilienda wapi?"

'Aahh, cartels. By the way it was started by mtu wa huko kwenu. '

"Was it also producing Babito? I remember Babito soda was popular when we were children, and there is a bus stop called Babito on our route."

'That guy bana, he was frustrated by the Moi era. He was producing, and selling but his product would not reach the market. He was interviewed recently. International soft drink companies would buy his stock and keep them in their ware houses.'

"True story?"

'Sindio. This is Kenya bana.'

"Reminds me of a  guy I met who was producing milk but he was frustrated until he scaled down to just a small shop. He sells the best yoghurt by the way."

'Ai, you cannot compete with bish fish. Watakumaliza.'

"So mnakunywa Softa yenu mos mos."

'Yes, then you take a few pictures, you do a boat ride and depending on how both of you feel at the end of the day you know umepata wife.'