Finding God: Mortality

 About a year or two ago I really struggled with life. I went through a slump where I kept wondering what was the point of it all. I had not given up on life, I just didn't see the need to keep potting about if this life was headed to the pit. I mean, why din't the creator just wrap up the shebang, refresh and have us living  a better life? He can do it, why didn't he? And each day felt heavier  than the one before it, and the one after felt dreadful.

But I had an epiphany one day. And I made a resolution to keep living as best as would be possible. And that meant that everything I was doing was to help me make the next step. Any decision I made, I made with the end goal of living one more day. And the days kept rolling into each other, until that feeling disappeared.

Recently, I woke up to the fact that, I am just a mortal human girl. I will die one day, probably sooner than later. But by God I have to keep taking every breath that is given to me. I cannot despise the gift  that has been given to me from my source.

Someone , my phsyotherapist said to me the other day- I wonder why God keeps this world moving on while life is so hard, people are suffering, some have depression. Some want to kill themselves-

she tells me many stories to disract me from the pain she inflicts, she has been trying to set my sprained ankle right.

I told her, from the bottom of my hear that. "As long as we are struggling, we are giving life a chance, we are not like the ones who have completely given up and jumped off a building."

And I am believing this with every fiber within me. Challenges, hard times, they give us a chance to fight. We refuse to drown, we refuse to drown.

We keep grabbing at the shallow rooted reeds at the banks of the rapid gutted river that is our lives.

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                       You have seen how many places I have gone. Put my tears in Your bottle. Are                             they not in Your book?

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

                         You have taken note of my journey through life, caught each of my tears in Your bottle.                          But God, are they not also blots on Your book?

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